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372: es muss sein
r
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371: but i'm not shedding tears
r
I thought about it.
It’s like getting thrown back in time. There are things you love, and there are things you love. These things stay with you throughout the entire journey, and they always take you back to that particular period when life was a bit less complicated (but only on hindsight) and love was a little easier to believe in. We toss these things back and forth like rubber balls in the hope that one day someone is going to catch one of them and realise they were there too, at that same point in time.
It’s great to have a passion. Better to know I haven’t lost it. It’s our last chance, for real this time. I wonder if that’s why it happens every year, the way it does, because we all know there’s no turning back — we’re standing on the brink of something far more permanent than what we have now. It chills me more to know this will not be the rest of my life, because this is one of the last few times I can feel as young, or as free, as caught up as I am doing things that have absolutely no relevance to anybody. And these songs are ringing in my head, on and on, as the music plays and the dancers fly. I know these sights will be one of the last, and I can’t help but stand there and take it all in. I’d breathe the scene if I could. I’d store it in my lungs till it became part of me and it would never come out.
I want to take in everything. The light of the sun as it sets over my house, the way the leaves fall across the avenue. The way people bustle across streets, waiting impatiently at traffic lights as they go from red to green. How cars honk indignantly at each other on the road, or how the ice in my teh-peng melts into nothing. Black eyes, black heels. Marble floors, ankle socks. Uniformed girls, men in ties. The smell of the rain as it stops, conversations that only involve hysterical laughter. Murmurings over coffee. The taste of duck rice. How the five-foot ways seem more poignant, the shophouses more quaint.
I feel like a tourist in my own country, and that’s not exactly a bad thing. The past few months have been fraught with a sense of finality I never knew myself capable of; yet everything is more beautiful because of it.
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Sheng
i am hungry.
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370: the sounds still wait to be found
r
And we’re all junkies, and pushers, and pimps and hookers. You never know what you’re in for. And you can shake it, try to forsake it — but you know you’re gonna take it. You never know what you’re in for.
I nearly cried when I watched this today. Dear Jorge, I will miss your guitar forever.
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369: i said, maybe
r
I’m back home; it’s a bit surreal. After the sunsets, the harsh and lonely winters, the dream is over, and with it the heartwarming, heartbreaking, and life-changing moments. It was difficult at some points, dealing with things. It was mostly happy in others, watching people sing and play the guitar, to see people speak in rapid-fire French, strange mannerisms and language quirks, to remember not to take everything for granted, secrets shared (and unshared), playing games with each other for no apparent reason. To realise at the end of the day that everything must go, even the daily routines and the weekly dinners, the 9pm days in the library, cycling back in the cold. I’m back to where the sun beats down like the rain and the rain beats down like the sun, and both are equally harsh and unforgiving, and leave no room to breathe. The air is humid like a sauna and threatens to wrap you up and choke you. Everything is familiar and unfamiliar, people remain the same, but things are now so different. The mosquitoes are everywhere still and the ants steal up silently against the table and overwhelm your untouched food in one fell swoop. In any place we go, the old wounds resurface even as we make new lives.
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368: youth's elixir fills our veins
r
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367: i had a conversation with you last night
r
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366: and you exploded in my heart
r
The weather needs to get a grip on itself. It keeps alternating raining and not raining, the sun shining and not shining, the sky being cloudy and then not. It needs to stop sending me on rollercoasters because I don’t like being taken for rides.
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Samuel
well, its spring after all! alternating sunshine and showers are to be expected.
i cant come to terms with the fact that im leaving glasgow for good in 5 days time either. ARGH. and im spending my last week here STUDYING? WTF -
r
still totally unused to this terribly unpredictable weather!
have you packed and all yet? said goodbye to people? i won’t really miss the town much (too small, not nearly exciting enough) but there’re so many people i’ll miss.SEE YOU IN STANSTED SAM
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sam
i just had a humble tearful warmhearted goodbye talk with all my flat mates separately. haha. okay, i exaggerated on the tears.. but if there were tears it wouldn’t have surprised anyone. so sad!
and i also made friends during this week of exams that i wished i made earlier..
imagine!! i only gathered courage to talk to that cute scottish girl in my commercial banking class after our fricking paper! HAHAHA.see you in london man. and i hope you are coming to glaston with us too.
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dandelionwine
immortal lines.
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365: when i look at you i watch the sun rise
r
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cher
who is this ‘you’!
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r
‘you’ is a term i use when referring to people in general that are too numerous to name :)
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364: 痛苦的相思忘不了
r
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ruizi
i love that photo of you and ben, bright shiny and happy (:
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r
i love it too :)
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ben
: ) lub.
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yanj
me too! lubba lubba. :)
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Vodafone
maybe it’s time to move on
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r
it’s not over till it’s over
and then you can start thinking about moving onand from so many different people? impossible
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363: 等下一个天亮
r
As I get older I realise I am less and less prone to subterfuge. It may be a good thing or it may not, but somehow I can’t find the energy to hide behind words anymore. There used to be a time when I took great pleasure in making everyone guess what I was talking about (strange how people put up with me, sometimes) but nowadays I’m tired of mind games and second guessing all the time.
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362: and do you know what you're doing to me
r
I hate the way I still prac-crit everything you say even though my English is better.
I know I keep asking, so you and me, babe, how about it under a convenient streetlight. I wish I could serenade you, step out of the shade. And you’ll reply from the top window, just like in the song. Everything’s happened; it can’t un-happen itself. You and I — maybe we’re only brief encounters, nothing else.
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yanj
looking pretty babe!
x
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361: it's just rough to stay tough
r
It’s funny how things never turn out the way you expect them to. And though I’ve said this many times over in the past few months, it probably never really hits you till it should. Where do you go when you’re lonely? Do you remember, that time when we were still in love, and as usual I was being cryptic because I’m retarded like that, and you said, no, I’m not here to gun down romance, but you did anyway, in the end, barely a week later (or two; who remembers?). Slowly the answers to every question matter less and less; there is no point asking why anymore. Why? has no answers, or at least none satisfactory. And finally, the answers die away, in a corner by themselves, like little birds in the winter.
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360: don't you count on me
r
Whoever said that law didn’t involve mathematics is a liar.
I want to faint and die. What the hell is this? Comparative Corporate Governance, pfft, go die in a fire somewhere!-
danmok
OMG I DID THIS LAST SEMESTER.
bad memories.
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r
why did you have to do this?!?!
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gery
i’m suddenly glad i’m not doing law. i told the law interviewer that my math sucked and he assured me math was hardly necessary. bluff!
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r
technically, he wasn’t wrong… i didn’t bother trying to decipher that, though. numbers are for accountants and economists and engineers !
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danmok
cos i took the same module hahaha.. comparative corp governance.
though i skipped all the math and jumped to the conclusion which didn’t involve any numbers or symbols.
those O with the curly thing on top and sub-scripted alphabets are so STRANGE.
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r
eek how gross. yeah i just treated that entire page as non-existent hahahahah :) eh you take ACCA why still say numbers and symbols strange!!
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359: if it's not rough it isn't fun
r
Some things in life are painfully legal. The other day while I was cooking dinner with Sharm we were talking about something regarding Val: it’s possible, I said, after some thought. But not probable, our friend Peter interjected, and I didn’t know what to make of that. It hasn’t been so long since I’ve heard those particular words, which often seem to people like the same thing and contributes to the (mostly true) observation that law people are just a bunch of lunatics who split hairs regarding definitions all the time.
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ruizi
On the topic on math and love (almost), here’s a math pickup line — “I wish I could be your integral so I could lie under your curves.”
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r
that’s terrible.
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ruimin
listen to sia’s “academia” hahah
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358: 心会痛，心也会感动
r
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357: a sure simple way to reach you
r
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Samuel
my gosh. i took the same photo of those yellow flowers today! im not sure what they’re called, but they’re lovely.
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r
they look like daffodils to me sam!
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ruizi
i spot ritter sport (half-rhyme maybe?)! neapolitan waffle?
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r
yes :) my new favourite flavour! but yoghurt will always have a special place in my heart. my first love. ♥
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Junbin
The flowers look really pretty! So real!
And why so mugger-ish! haha. -
r
the flowers are real!!! hahah muggerish because there’s work to do :)
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356: 口上的棉花糖也溶化了
r
When the curtains closed last night I didn’t know what to think. I sat in my room looking out at the window, but all I saw was my own reflection because the outside was so dark. I think about the construction site and how my friend teased me about opening the curtains, and then I remember how it used not to be there at all, and it always amazes me how fast things change without you even noticing. Can you see the sunset, Sharmila used to ask me, when we were walking from our house to the supermarket, then wearing just slippers and a t-shirt and jeans. As the weather turned colder and our clothes got warmer the site grew and grew and the roof eventually appeared and blocked out the sunset altogether. It’s still not ready yet, and I wonder if it will be by the time I leave, but it’s not the same anymore.
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伟嘉
我也挂念从前。。。 我向往童年简单纯真的时代。
一想到总有一天要离开父母姐姐我就很难过。唉…我觉得。。 应为我们不能活在将来，也不能活在过去。。就不能想把自己保留一样， 应为这是不可能的事。与其如此，不如尽情的享受现在，保握将来。最重要的是我们善良道德行善的心不能改. aiya 我也不知该怎么说. 总之,笑一个! ：）
wah u got bolster. i miss my bolster haha.
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355: in the mood for love
r
(Don’t walk away, then turn and say “I love you,” anyway, / you come for the week to love me, and then you up and leave next day.)
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354: what you are is beautiful
r
I said, maybe Sally can wait this time. Every time I turn on iTunes and listen to the old songs I’m reminded of why I love music. The other day I had a conversation with someone (who was it, now?) about whether we would still be listening to new music when we were old. Of course, he replied, why not? Our generation is different from our parents’. I thought about it but we’re not so different after all. It’d be weird to find out my parents were listening to MGMT or whatever the equivalent is, and though this generation appears a lot more exposed to music than the previous one, some things, I think, change slowly, if at all.
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danmok
too much of a coincidence! that was just playing on my itunes as i opened this post.
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r
hahah! i miss them!!
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Samel
i love this new theme and i love this post even more.
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ruizi
well, it’s not difficult to find someone to say goodnight to i guess, not these days. but with regard to finding someone to say goodnight to every night, you know how i feel about the odds.
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r
sam: i like this theme a lot too! i don’t know why i didn’t discover it earlier…
ruizi: goodnight and good morning too, maybe. not every night, and definitely not every day. the odds … yes, indeed.
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ben
wah lau it was me lor, please forget. at the demel cafe.
i was saying like how we’re born in a generation of increased changes, and how we’re able to adapt to it more. : ))))
i like the picture btw. -
r
oh, yeah it was ;) for some reason i thought we had that conversation with amos and val at the schnitzel place, so i couldn’t remember who said what …
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353: 城里的月光把梦照亮
r
Dear R,
You have possibly the weakest willpower on the face of this earth. And even though it’s 3am now, the thing you miss the most about the Netherlands is the fact that there is nothing open for you to eat. You probably want some supper (bak chor mee at Thomson…?) and someone to drive you home although the only thing bad about that is that you get fat so easily. Also I know you just checked out on Facebook the name of some guy (aka Upstairs Random), and you were wondering why it looked so familiar. And then you searched again and realised it was the name of some Hong Kong actor. I know you love how there are all these random coincidences and occurrences in your life that bear no relevance to anything else whatsoever.
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352: vienna waits for you
r
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Shuks
oh! you went for the (ripoff) sound of music tour too!!
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r
hahah yes i did! it was okay la, i didn’t mind paying the money :)
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351: keep your love locked down
r
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zing
i watched rachael yamagata in london SO AWESOMEE i hope she was just as great in amsterdam!
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r
haha it was awesome in amsterdam too :) :)
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dandelionwine
oh god you all suck.
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dandelionwine
)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))):
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350: all i have is your letter read
r
“But—but it seems so weak,” said Josephine, breaking down.
“But why not be weak for once, Jug?” argued Constantia, whispering quite fiercely. “If it is weak.” And her pale stare flew from the locked writing table — so safe — to the huge glittering wardrobe, and she began to breathe in a queer, panting way. “Why shouldn’t we be weak for once in our lives, Jug? It’s quite excusable. Let’s be weak — be weak, Jug. It’s much nicer to be weak than to be strong.”
One of the things I will remember most about my school life is the short story. At certain points in my life random quotes from books will pop out at me at jarringly relevant intervals to remind me just how tellingly accurate literature sometimes is when it comes to observing real life. Sometimes I feel like I should stop living in quotes and books and lyrics of songs and using them to describe how I feel, but yet such words continually touch the human heart and spirit, and it is amazing how literature continues to influence my life.
I remember most all the quotes from that book. The only story I didn’t truly like was The Secret Sharer; every other short story has left an indelible impact on me. And then — that time when I filled in the worksheets, three blanks to fill in the correct words from a quote — so primary school, but it worked — weak, weak, weak, strong, and it always, always springs to mind whenever I wonder if there is any point in borrowing strength from an invisible source.
But there is. There always is.
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349: the wheels fly and the colours spin
r
We were young, we were free, happily drunk and suited up. There’s no time to be in Holland like this time, and though the weather refused to cooperate, the joy is in gritting your teeth and continuing to be happy. Everyone was out in full force, from the babies to the grandparents — family fun. Whatever the reason to celebrate, there is always a reason to drink beer.
Cheers! ♥
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dollarbeers
Thanks for baby sitting us at tilburg!
~Joshua
(but the link dollarbeers belongs to all 3 of us) -
r
it was my pleasure! :)
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idesiree
looks fun!! was it some festival??
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r
it was! a (nearly) nationwide carnival that lasts (up to) a week! i had no classes last week because of this hee hee :)
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348: they come, they come, to build a wall between us
r
(You know that they won’t win,)
Berlin is a wonderful place. For everyone who has been there, they will know what I mean. There’s nothing quite like Berlin, which continually surprises you and makes your heart stop at every turn. Berlin is a city where contradictions fly into each other and crash spectacularly. Next to a piece of history there is the unmistakable odour of youth. The crash and bang of paint and art hurls itself against unwanted buildings, forgotten roads, new life creeping into dead parts of cities. Slowly but surely the city is being preserved, sterilised against time, for a past they refuse to forget. And yet history is made relevant in the most startling of ways, through new life, new art, new ideas. Fresh ideas that refuse to be forgotten, old ideas that refuse to be erased. We cannot forget, and so we must remember.
ruizi 8:07 am on July 7, 2009 Permalink
the source of heartbreaks, these beautiful 风一样的男子.