397: living in a rhythm where the minutes’re working overtime

I feel like I’m running around in circles. I’m probably just panicking for no good reason, as I always do, but it’s weird to care and not care at the same time. Just like how I feel 半桶水 about most things nowadays; can’t decide which way to go or another.

I feel a bit guilty sometimes, that I’m never 100% anything. But I get the feeling I don’t know how to. Some part of me’s somewhere far away, dreaming of a time where I can get away from here.

396: we are always running for the thrill of it

You don’t know about the little things that we do without, when that whole mad season comes around.

394: society, you’re a crazy breed

When you want more than you have, you think you need

When you think more than you want, your thoughts begin to bleed

I think I need to find a bigger place, because when you have more than you think, you need more space

386: to know it, and love it for what it is

There was never a greater moment of happiness when I looked at my shadow on the wall while the piano was playing and I was singing at the top of my voice watching everything go by. There was never a bigger smile on my face, and I knew it for sure. The lights were changing and the stage was empty, and all around the voices churned. As somebody fiddled with the camera we leaped across the stage like children, scrawling words into the empty air. Sleepy faces were turned up towards the ceiling. I heard all this music flowing out, into the stage, into our heads and minds. Yet somehow at the other end of the stage hung a deep and pervasive sorrow. There is something tragic in silence, in juxtaposition, in contrast.

There will be no other time like this time. It is one of the greatest things in life, I think — to feel joy, and recognise it, at the very same time.

383: put it down for tonight

Dear friends, I think we have a legend in the making.

376: if it’s too loud, you’re too old

Happenings of the past (last) week of holidays;

360: don’t you count on me

Whoever said that law didn’t involve mathematics is a liar.

I want to faint and die. What the hell is this? Comparative Corporate Governance, pfft, go die in a fire somewhere!

357: a sure simple way to reach you

Though you know, some things don’t really change, …

 

355: in the mood for love

(Don’t walk away, then turn and say “I love you,” anyway, / you come for the week to love me, and then you up and leave next day.) 

337: and where are the deep shelters?

I have been probably pushing myself too hard. There are things that I don’t need to do, but I have been doing them anyway. This includes stupid things like reading articles and cross-referencing them, putting in citations in my own paper that cite this article which cited that article on this page under this footnote, and drawing an insane number of mindmaps for that last International Company Law exam just so I would remember everything, which I didn’t, in the end. The last three weeks have been crazy and mad, and I’d like to say I’ve barely had time to think, but the truth is I’ve been thinking a lot (and maybe too much), and I don’t like what I come up with. Everything I write does not make sense, now that I read it again, and even though I passed my exam, I am still somewhat unhappy with the results. I want to do well, even if I don’t have to, and this bugs me. Am I asking for too much?

335: she’ll take a tumble on you

The semester is almost over. As usual one is struck by how fast time flies, and the way in which it has flown. People have already gone home, to wherever they came from, and one recalls the tears that I find myself unable to shed. Maybe it was because I was not the one leaving; maybe I did not have sufficient connections with these people. There were lovely people, people I wish I’d known better were I not caught up in my own drama, but three months and meaningful friendships are hard to sustain. One is aware that this is not an excuse and that I could have, if I tried, or bothered to try. That being said, maybe next semester will be different, and one can always hope for the best. Making new friends, sustaining them, remembering why I am here in the first place, living for myself. The world is now and forever waiting for me to explore it. For once I will try not to be defeated by my own inaction. 

333: fireworks in lake michigan

As usual, I have not done anything (much) today. I have an exam on Monday but I’ve barely started studying. This would be better if it were actually graded so I could feel more fear, or written so that I could feel less. As it is, it’s an oral exam. I’m scared shitless and yet not, and my brain is continually pushing waves of apathy towards me. 

331: we can stick around and see this night through

I told someone before that there was no way I was going down the same road again, but it seems that I am, anyway. I’m not making excuses, and who knows how long this will take, and it saddens me a little that I was arrogant enough to think I could overcome it. Because I have, before, and why not this time, right? It’s true; I’m a proud person, and perhaps insanely so. I’ve been brought up to believe that I can do anything, and by extension, if I must do something, it should be something I can do alone. It is perhaps part of being alone all your life; you learn to do things by yourself, or you remain at the bottom of the well. 

Because there is no point in continually dwelling on things I know I cannot change, I am going to try and make myself happy as I possibly can. And yes–there is no point dragging my cumulative luggage with me, though that takes a while to sink in and I probably have to keep telling myself that a million and one times, possibly to no avail. It is hard not to lapse back into the past when I honestly cannot remember the last time I was alone. But on the other hand I am only blind if I do not want to see. I have been talking to K a lot recently, and I am glad he is here; few people are as honest with me as he is, and after all these years, it’s funny how we can pick up where we left off. 

So, the things that made me happy today:

315: almost, but not quite

Traipsing around Italy pretending to be fashionistas on our limited budget. We were on our way to Prada.

 

309: see your shoes and your spirits rise

Before we all know it, I’ve been here for more than a week. Over these few days there have been so many happenings, so many parties, so many exciting things to tell. From the first week of meeting new people and crazy random parties with lots and lots (and lots) of drinking, to cooking totally random food in the kitchen, we’ve also changed our housemate. He used to be an American who smoked weed all day and stayed on the top floor, but he moved out because of the rent and now we have a new Iranian housemate whose wife is coming to stay with him starting sometime this week. He is also Muslim, so we are having to deal with all this at one go. 

294: youth’s like diamonds in the sun

 

So many adventures couldn’t happen today

So many songs we forgot to play

So many dreams swinging out of the blue

We’ll let them come true

287: and she takes me away to that special place

Right now I feel giggly and happy.

 

277: the kids are alright

Obviously I had no time to do this before today. So even if it’s 1.5 months late, thank you:

272: mok mun tat!

Yet another round of Things You Never Needed to Know About Law (School). 

271: i cannot swim in this sea of semantic exercises

When you are totally bored and don’t want to do any work, weird conversations with your friend call out to you.

This is how we spend our time talking about totally irrelevant things.

269: お誕生日おめでとう！

It takes a special kind of person to stop coming home drunk after a party. It takes a special kind of person to ignore the flashing lights, the booming music, and the leering eyes. A sea of white shirts wherever you go, squeezing through bodies to get to the toilet. Resisting glass after glass and bottle after bottle of whisky. You think maybe you’d be better off with a beer, or two, or none. A Coke, maybe. Then you think about how there is still work to do tomorrow, Equity and Public Law waiting for you, their siren songs turning to unpleasant wails in your head. Still, it’s a road that must be taken. And still you smell of smoke.  It takes a special kind of person to forget about all this, to let go, and just be happy. As if there is nothing on tomorrow, as if nothing is the way it was yesterday.

We got lost on the way home. It was raining and I couldn’t see anything and I knocked down a cone outside Zouk and the security guard screamed at me. It was mildly unpleasant but somehow it was funny, when everything was a haze. I probably shouldn’t have been driving. 

To the special person tonight who abandoned tomorrow and lived for today, here is your very happy 21st birthday. I know you will remember it forever and ever, even if you can’t really remember anything tomorrow. We are always here to remind you. Hur hur. :)

So the sky turns from black to purple to orange, and still the clock ticks on. When it turns blue we will wake up and life will start again.

267: CLOSE THE DOOR

Continuing my new and exciting series of Things You Never Needed To Know About Law, here is the following judgment from the former Justice of Appeal Karthigesu.

 

 

Everybody, all together now: WTF?

 

ETA: Okay, everybody needs to compare that with this from Lord Justice Chadwick:

266: 你是我的花朵

 

爱你伍佰年！Thank you for the ticket, guys. It was so wonderful. I sat 10 rows from the stage and I got to see every single detail up close, properly, including his 34869759 guitar changes (beautiful guitars too!) and everyone was jumping up and down with lightsticks and generally going crazy. I didn’t sit down at all the whole time, and that was over 3 hours. He gave two encores, there was a lot of fireworks, and random confetti. Whoever said Singaporeans are staid obviously aren’t going to the right concert. Chinese fans are seriously crazy. It was so fun. That said, I have never seen so many Ah Bengs congregated in one area before. Hahaha. 

#

 

In other news…

 

265: teo soh lung’s friend

Everybody’s favourite quote,

 

By the way, programs that can highlight PDF documents = win. I am obviously really interested in my work.

 

264: i ♥ the house of lords

“The unhappy results which may follow from incompetent drafting may be, in the case of an instrument held to impose a trust, that it is so much waste-paper, whereas in the case of an instrument differing perhaps on the face of it very little from the invalid trust instrument a good gift of a power to benefit objects may emerge. Thus it is said that in order to avoid fine distinctions the test should be the same for both.“

Hello there. Am I missing something here? Who starts a freaking judgment by saying “incompetent drafting leads to wasted paper so we will just make the test the same”?!?!?!

♥.