364: 痛苦的相思忘不了

 

 

338: wishing only wounds the heart

We’re in Paris now, after a week in London. The journey to France has been tumultuous, to say the least. From changing travel companions to booking Eurostar tickets to finding last minute accomodation just as Christmas Eve drew to a close, the event that reinforced how this entire trip so far has been a godsend was the fact that we missed our Eurostar train yesterday morning due to rather unforeseen circumstances. And yet, we’re here, in Paris, freezing our asses off in the winter, but the night lights are lovely and the buildings sparkle.

It is vastly different from London, but I am glad to be here. Christmas in London was special, not just because I spent it overseas for once, but because I didn’t spend it with family. I was glad to be with friends, and not alone, and meeting new people on Christmas night itself was also fun. I was glad I took that chance. It scares me sometimes; how I seek company now more than ever, as if being alone is really such a bad thing.

It is not; but when the weather is cold, sometimes all you need are some friends.

I have bought a lot of things. Buying things always makes me happy, for some reason, and whatever that says about me, it doesn’t matter. We also ate an insane amount, from cheap food at the borough markets to expensive one-starred restaurants, went to the Tate Modern, took stupid pictures along the river and filmed retarded videos, and I haven’t laughed this much in a long while. My buys were good — Kwek was my porter, carrying all my shopping and my jackets and my bags (thank you) — while I tried on shoes after shoes after clothes after clothes.

I watched Wicked, which I enjoyed immensely. Some parts made me almost cry, but this is me being subjective. This is all I can say. I am trying not to live under shadows, to come out into the light and be myself again, the girl I used to be, or maybe the girl I have become. Remembering what I used to love, what I used to do, and all the things I have been.  I am getting excited over the old things, rediscovering new things, and indeed who can say if I’ve been changed for the better; but I have been changed for good.

WATCH IT. WATCH IT NOW. Funny and heartbreaking as hell.

(如果你能拿得起，我也一定会放得下)

335: she’ll take a tumble on you

The semester is almost over. As usual one is struck by how fast time flies, and the way in which it has flown. People have already gone home, to wherever they came from, and one recalls the tears that I find myself unable to shed. Maybe it was because I was not the one leaving; maybe I did not have sufficient connections with these people. There were lovely people, people I wish I’d known better were I not caught up in my own drama, but three months and meaningful friendships are hard to sustain. One is aware that this is not an excuse and that I could have, if I tried, or bothered to try. That being said, maybe next semester will be different, and one can always hope for the best. Making new friends, sustaining them, remembering why I am here in the first place, living for myself. The world is now and forever waiting for me to explore it. For once I will try not to be defeated by my own inaction. 

321: somewhere he opens the window

Ever since I’ve been in London, my left knee has been hurting more and more. It hurt when I cycled, it hurt when I was walking around London, and it hurt especially when I was standing around in the National Gallery trying not to look awkward shifting my weight around. Now when I lie down, I can’t sleep properly because there’s a dull ache in my knee that doesn’t go away unless I leave it straight.

Bleh. I really need a bolster to prop my leg up. Is it because of the cold? My left ankle is hurting like shit, too, but then again, I twisted it twice in Italy. I thought it was because I was wearing slippers, but I twisted it twice again wearing boots in London. So it’s just me being clumsy or something. Weak joints suck.

To everyone who’s been worrying, sorry. I’m coping the best I can, really.

319: things will be great when you’re downtown

London was wonderful, even though I arrived with a heavy heart on Wednesday night following a pretty bad weekend. It was Guy Fawkes Day and I had loads of fun watching the fireworks coming up from random houses on the bus from Stansted into downtown London. I spent a lot of money shopping and spent half a day in Topshop alone (no kidding) and picked up something like 20 tops and/or dresses and trying them on endlessly before narrowing it down to just two; saving my money for the Boxing Day sales! I was so tempted to buy so many things because Topshop stuff is lovely and I miss it so much now that I don’t get to shop there regularly anymore. Had to keep restraining myself from getting things (“No, it’s winter now… and you’ll only get to wear that six months later when you get back,” and then a voice goes: “But it’s pretty! And you might not be able to find it again! And it’s summer all year round back home anyway! Cost-per-wear!”) including this grey blazer which cost 60 pounds (I didn’t!).