394: society, you’re a crazy breed

When you want more than you have, you think you need

When you think more than you want, your thoughts begin to bleed

I think I need to find a bigger place, because when you have more than you think, you need more space

384: even though the moment passed me by

It pains me a lot to say this. But part of me wishes I wasn’t here. This is really not funny at all.

382: the common tragedy of adulthood

I want to go shopping. I want to go to the beach. I want to just do nothing for a few days and rot in my bed. I want to be skinny. I want to go on holiday. I want to scream at someone or scream at myself, or, failing that, go into a Channel 8 induced bout of hysteria. Because there’s something growing in my chest that just can’t come out, I can’t breathe properly, and it’s just not right. I need something, just to tell me that I didn’t dream up an alternative life I thought I had but I didn’t, not at all, not in the slightest. Because I came back to something I thought I knew but I didn’t, not at all, not in the slightest.

Come back to me, my sense of purpose.

377: people are like electrons

366: and you exploded in my heart

 

The weather needs to get a grip on itself. It keeps alternating raining and not raining, the sun shining and not shining, the sky being cloudy and then not. It needs to stop sending me on rollercoasters because I don’t like being taken for rides.

363: 等下一个天亮

As I get older I realise I am less and less prone to subterfuge. It may be a good thing or it may not, but somehow I can’t find the energy to hide behind words anymore. There used to be a time when I took great pleasure in making everyone guess what I was talking about (strange how people put up with me, sometimes) but nowadays I’m tired of mind games and second guessing all the time.

360: don’t you count on me

Whoever said that law didn’t involve mathematics is a liar.

I want to faint and die. What the hell is this? Comparative Corporate Governance, pfft, go die in a fire somewhere!

329: distance has no way of making love understandable

One year ago I wrote about winter. It was exactly a year ago, give or take a day. It was after exams and I was emotional, I was high, I was thinking about a lot of things. It was a year ago, and I made my choice. The other entry’s title seems strangely and funnily ominous now. It’s funny how my feelings haven’t changed, not at all. But people do, and then I remember that I am not enough, not anymore.

It’s snowing outside and I wish I was warmer and had less work to do. I wish for your sake, that I could be happier in this silence. I am trying to be strong, and give you space, because it’s not my world anymore, but it is so hard. It is unbelievably hard.

323: fly away, far away

不是我要说， 可是现在的我，真的连自己也讨厌。

这也不是完全因为最近发生过的事。到外国真的是件好事，自己现在也不清楚。

300: fly away

There is a difference, and everybody knows,

between getting a phone call and seeing a body being carried away.

And the cold, cold surface of a forehead.

133: she’s a brick and i’m drowning slowly

hello– it’s been a while. it’s one of those rare times there is a break in between the week, which is mostly hellish: a memorial due on saturday (not done), crim law presentation on friday (not done), a contract law essay thingum due tomorrow afternoon (done), and moots are coming up over the course of the next few weeks, after which the exams beckon once again. strangely enough (or not), i don’t look forward to it in the slightest.

in other news, i seem to have developed an almost fanatical craving for macdonald’s fries (once again). it must be because i read that foodie confidential article at the back of sunday lifestyle about this japanese chef that loves macdonald’s fries to death because nowhere else do they make it as consistently as they do, even though it may be industrially-made and processed, etc. anthony bourdain says even gourmet chefs have plebeian tastes; and if you ever ask somebody what they’d like to eat for their last meal, it’s never ‘the tasting menu at the french laundry’, it’s more likely to be ‘my mother’s cooking’ or whatnot. in addition to fries, the desire for rice seems to be burning. i keep staring at pictures of risotto (with roast pumpkin and roquefort) on the internet and feel utterly devastated that palm sunday seems (still) to be ages away.

i need to stop talking about food. law bash is tomorrow– law ball is the week after, and then moots. meanwhile i seem to have this never-ending cough. maybe it never ends because i keep forgetting to take medicine, even though it’s safely encased in a plastic bag with a spoon in my bag 24/7. and then i think to myself, what a wonderful world.