400: baby go crazy (break the rules)

the litany:

397: living in a rhythm where the minutes’re working overtime

I feel like I’m running around in circles. I’m probably just panicking for no good reason, as I always do, but it’s weird to care and not care at the same time. Just like how I feel 半桶水 about most things nowadays; can’t decide which way to go or another.

I feel a bit guilty sometimes, that I’m never 100% anything. But I get the feeling I don’t know how to. Some part of me’s somewhere far away, dreaming of a time where I can get away from here.

381: insomnia

Thoughts that appear at 5am in the morning;

• The sooner you learn to accept people for who they are, the less trouble you will have with yourself. Why is everyone so worked up over things they cannot control?
• Why does this happen every week? I shouldn’t have drunk that coffee.
• I think I might be in love with the Eurasian guy who appears on 超级星光大道 to PK the contestants. But obsessions come and go, anyway.
• Something I read while filling my time with reports of serial killers (don’t ask): There are Mr. Rights, and then there are Mr. Right Nows. Mr. Right Now is the guy you think you’re in love with when you’re seventeen. Then you get knocked up and are forced to get married and suddenly it’s too late, when Mr. Right comes along. (And Mr. Right Now may just kill you if you leave.)
• There’s really just no way I’m ever going to appear in the morning bright and chirpy and eyebag-less. It’s a chronic failing. I like sleep. I like to have my own time. I like mornings. But to have all three is kind of impossible.
• I want to sleep now.

376: if it’s too loud, you’re too old

Happenings of the past (last) week of holidays;

347: maybe that something’s gonna happen today

I feel like today has been a peaceful day. After the hubbub of last night, where I remember having dangerous conversations, great chili from Mitch, way too much wine and unnecessary beer, and once again, the frenzy of dancing in a crowd of bodies that have absolutely nothing to do with each other, smudged eyeliner. Strange because I didn’t recognise most people there and was too lazy to make new friends, for the most part. Increasingly I feel rather anti-social and reclusive and all I want to do is hide back in my (now) familiar, cosy room and not come out, especially since the weather this week has been completely uncooperative. Yesterday on my way to school I encountered at least four different weather phenomena in the space of twenty minutes, which sounds impressive but is terrible to get through. It is hard to explain how horrible it feels to have it rain ice when you are trying to cycle your fastest to get to school on time with the howling wind blowing ice right at your face the entire time. My cheeks are still itchy from the cuts. You never really know how much the weather affects your day, mostly because it never really changes in Singapore. In any case, everything is insulated against the weather, and nobody really cares. In view of my upcoming trip to Austria I finally downloaded The Sound of Music, which is possibly my favourite movie of all time and one that I really needed to have watched about three months ago. 

330: one night in beijing

Things begin, things end, things begin anew. The logic is the same and it is always the same cycle, and everything appears to be a game. You play, you win, you play, you lose, you play. You win again, or you lose. There are never grey areas; everything is one or the other. Still you play. Everything defines itself by something else, and when there are only two alternatives there is always something that has to give. Rarely are we faced with more, and like most life-changing decisions, there is really only one way to properly go about it, which is to say, not at all. Nobody thinks. Nobody cares. We remember the times that we sat together by the riverside, thinking about our lives, wondering where we would go. We eventually came to the conclusion that there was nothing we could do; this is the way it is, this is the flow. If we make a mistake, so be it. It is our life to live. We win, we play, we lose. Everything is a risk and we pursue the exciting rather than the familiar, because we are free, because we are young, because we can. It is the reason why nobody turns back, why nobody wants to be faced with regrets, why everyone looks forward and keeps going, because the past is painful and hard to bear. There are only two alternatives. And yet everything in the present must also have a past, in the same way that it must also have a future. It may not be better, it may not be worse,  just — different. And then how much remains the same is the scariest question, because it is possible to come full circle and realise one has never moved from the same spot. It may be the same as watching someone sit quietly by your side, not saying anything, but understanding. It may be that someone’s back is turned away from you, someone who doesn’t look at you anymore, who doesn’t say anything and will never say anything anymore. It may be the case that having someone is like not having anyone at all; or that we are faced with the ghosts from our past all the time, pretending all the while that someone is there when they are not. 

328: i spy with my little eye

Neek sent me a neckwarmer! (: (: 

Her note says:  

“It’s a neckwarmer! (: Can be pulled up on face to keep mouth/nose warm! Yay!”

 

More stupid pictures behind the cut.

327: 永远高唱我歌

What somebody said to me today; it was the nicest thing someone’d said to me in a long time. 

 

291: it’s a bright, bright, bright, sunshiney day

I must say; it’s so hot it’s not even funny. I can just sit here and start sweating for no reason. I hate hot weather. And summer. And whatever arghhh.

I haven’t done anything these few days. I met Nurul to do our nails yesterday so now my nails are grey. It looks cooler than it sounds. I think. Other than that, I’ve only been meeting J for dinner and making full use of my Internet’s temporary connection to Megaupload (I have never been able to download anything from there before. Ever. J says it’s where all the porn is stored and MU has probably cleared all its servers so that horny Singaporeans don’t get to access it anymore…) to download 34689475968 episodes of everything. 

I now have on-going series (what is the plural?!) of Osen, Zettai Kareshi, Last Friends, and Nodame Cantabile. Also I found the subtitled version of the Hana Kimi special. GO ME! I now have a drama collection to rival Isaac’s. Who is obsessed with Nakama Yukie. Watching Gokusen for all the wrong reasons. Tsk.

Pictures of the super wonderful bento/don I ate the other day:

289: japan: yokohama city lights

It’s early in the morning now, and as usual, I can’t sleep. The sky is red and you know what they say about red skies in the morning and red skies at night. Tonight the moon is full, as it was last night, but tonight the moon hung low behind the tree outside my house and I had to look harder to find it. It’s just like most things, which disappear without you noticing in the hope you’ll look ever harder for them. 

#

This post is about Yokohama, with which I think I might have a special love affair. This is not to say that I didn’t love all the other cities I went to, but that they mean different things to me. Tokyo is the place of childhood and dreams, mainly because I went there so many times when I was younger, though as you grow older you discover its ever-increasing adult attractions. Osaka was all about food and relaxation and just generally having fun doing everything and nothing. Kyoto was full of history, but Yokohama…

Yokohama is full of lights and romance. Yokohama is the place you bring girls to when you want to impress them. It doesn’t seem like much because it’s so near Tokyo and it’s so easy to overlook, but it retains that particular, off-centre, sort of feeling. It’s near but not too near. It has its own voice, its own attractions, its own history. Some people say Chinatown wasn’t too interesting; sometimes you just need to know where to look. Stepping into Minato Mirai is fascinating precisely because we’re at an age where we can appreciate it, still: the free theme parks, ferris wheels, lights across the sea, the red brick warehouses and the smoke curling up from beneath the windows. It seriously is the number one place to bring a girl on a date. It is so romantic you can choke. 

288: japan: tokyo story

Erm. I’m sorry this took so long, but there were really a lot of pictures. 

278: and now for something completely different

I’ve been trying to plan for Japan this past week. So I got a notebook, copied down my accommodation and flight details, listed a million things to do and see (and eat !!!!). That includes Disneyland and USJ which are touristy like hell, but I’m a kid only once and who cares right? Finally getting to go with someone other than my parents. It never strikes you how shitty being an only child is until you actually get to a theme park and you have to go on all the rides alone. Bah. 

I’m halfway through Osaka. There’s still Tokyo, Yokohama, and Kyoto to look up. And funnily enough, my boyfriend has been put in charge of the shopping destinations. 

… what? Turnabout is fair play, no?

 

276: when she’s sad, she comes to me

I thought about it and I thought it would be better if I left it like that. Hours later I’m still wondering why I didn’t pick up the phone. Strange? Maybe yes, maybe no. I keep having to pretend I’m not there or that I forgot about it, or that I completely missed it. It’s selfish to start thinking about how I shouldn’t have to be dealing with this right now. 

Endless phone calls? How old are you, six?

I don’t even understand why there is all this bitterness on my part. This doesn’t even have anything to do with me. 

I, we. There’s no doubt about it.

275: it don’t mean nothin’

Cut because you know you don’t want to read this unless you’re a fan. I’m turning into a freaking fangirl.

274: so you and me, babe

Isn’t it strange how music tastes change all the time? Some songs are still my favourite songs, even though I haven’t played them in ages, and others that I love don’t get as much playtime. Some songs just can’t be looped, if you know what I mean. There’s only so many times you can play a song that’s 11 minutes long, and yet that’s got to be my favourite one. Yet, everything seems to be me, and everything you play– you don’t know it, but it tells me who you are, too. 

A few years ago I would not be caught dead with Asian music on my playlist. Yet I’ve been watching Music Station since I was 12, and I listened to Jacky Cheung in the car, before anything else. I’ve watched more Channel 8 and TVB serials than I can count, and yet I’ve never watched Sex and The City, or Gossip Girl, or Heroes. 

I would say I’m not an English language person, but we all know how that would mean I’m lying. To me they’re just different. My favourite songs in English have beautiful lyrics, things that have meaning, that need you to uncover them like some treasure. There is often a guitar somewhere, and a haunting voice. It speaks to your mind or awakens some memory. My favourite songs in Chinese are all raw, who have simple lyrics that could mean so much more, who tug at your heart strings in a uniquely Chinese way. Like thinking of searching for your face along the street you’ve walked 9 times to no avail, or having your first love buy tickets to a concert you can only think about years later when you’re married and your husband sleeps silently next to you. When I think of English songs I imagine walls must be torn down; Chinese songs speak to you, through those walls. It’s okay if they’re up, so long as you understand them. And they hear you right back.

 

273: don’t u ever stop

Please to be freaking just die right now. They are super offkey and the costumes are weird but everything is shiny and happy and … they look hot.

That sentence totally did not make sense.

p/s: cos you know you want to download it seeing as how the bloody thing won’t stream: http://www.mediafire.com/?hjypmbroyyj 

I should probably not be so excited over this.

272: mok mun tat!

Yet another round of Things You Never Needed to Know About Law (School). 

271: i cannot swim in this sea of semantic exercises

When you are totally bored and don’t want to do any work, weird conversations with your friend call out to you.

This is how we spend our time talking about totally irrelevant things.

270: for nurul hur hur hur

Because I am totally bored, its 6am and I can’t sleep, I’m still studying public law, and there are better things to look at.

#

Don’t you think it’s amazing how people can change from this…

 

… to this?

262: random eye candy

Okay I know how everyone is damn sick of all the random Japanese shit here… 
But I am freaking OBSESSED with this guy. OMG. 

255: don’t look back in anger

 

248: the night lights remind me of bright eyes

246: 赤西 仁

I am going on holiday!!!!

 

So, here is something (someone) for you to look at.  

 

 

Strangely and inexplicably attractive, but so talented. 

245: saturday wait, and sunday always comes too late

Just in case you all thought my life was very exciting, let me bring us all back to the plane of reality.  Which is that: 

• I have not stepped out of my house today, did not have lunch, and had Macs da-bao-ed for dinner – except at 9.30pm to drive back to school and get my bloody Constitutional Law textbook out of my pigeonhole. 
• And drive back. 
• And after all this time, I am still at question 3. 
• And my grammar is shot to hell because I keep starting sentences with “And”. 
• And despite not having any prior injuries on the area, my knee really hurts like fuck. Also, my right wrist cracks ominously whenever I move my hand from the keyboard to the trackpad and back. 
• And that the sole highlight of my day has been to finish the last pack of Wasabi Steamed Potato Crackers that I have in my larder, and realize that instead of the usual 5 in the pack, I have 6! SIX!

 

I have cheated the evil manufacturers of an extra 1mm thin biscuit! I rule.   

Naturally I spent most of the day lusting after bags I cannot afford. 

 

234: giddy-up, giddy-up, giddy-up, let’s go

Christmas. Always a good time to get together with people, and laugh your head off.