disarm you with a smile
to leave you like they left me here
to wither in denial
the bitterness of one who’s left alone
i have concluded that time away from people really helps when you’re trying to think about things. so these two weeks are perhaps a blessing in disguise. you win some, you lose some- still you play. and that’s fine by me, i don’t mind anything. things are simpler when you’re happy, but perhaps it works the other way around too.
and bridgeclubsingapore is going to be my new baby. after seeing all these people here- i’m amazed by their sincerity, their warmheartedness, the way they do things. i look at singapore and i feel ashamed, really i do. i’m just overwhelmed here by the scale at which they do things, and i wonder why singapore doesn’t take the trouble to do anything like that. i want to start this up again, to set up bridgeclubsingapore. it’s not going to be easy, contacting all these people, but at least i know some of them, and in singapore the circle is so small all you really need to do is go look in the same few schools- they’re all there. bridgeclubbangladesh has agreed to support us and that’s just fantastic because they’re like the most active people ever. they’re going to have a south asian peace convention (along with 5 other countries) in 2005 and that’s just like, phwoar.
and everyone here is like an overachiever- michael from australia is a dean’s scholar doing a double degree and there are a million medical students like debby from indonesia who just graduated and ei from myanmar who’s going to become a dental surgeon. alexander from russia is studying linguistics in three different languages and saikhan&deegii from mongolia can speak japanese like it’s nothing. sengsanguoane from laos can also speak japanese like nobody’s business and his english is reallyreally good, and he’s so sweet and cute! looks adorable when he smiles lol. am one of the youngest here at 17 when everyone else is like 21 or 23 or even 26 like kran from thailand, who came from the first batch of JAs in 1989. that’s just fantastic man. and kran rocks! he’s like funky and listens to rock and gets all hot and bothered by holly valance and laughs at the stupidest things and sings dumb thai songs in this superhigh voice that gets everyone laughing. and he cooks superwell! haha (: really gonna miss them, this bunch of people. sigh. hopefully tomorrow we’ll get to go out again, although it’s weird not speaking singlish at all these 2 weeks and i think i’m going to start bowing alot when i get back and saying arigato for everything. and michael is nuts he and the newzealanders are like talking about 3450986 shit half the time and its just crazy. everything’s so crazy. i love these people.
japan is such a great country. even the vegetables are a brighter colour.
i don’t think i’ll be forgetting this year in a long while.
‘the Republic never seemed so beautiful as under the Empire; one’s native land never seems so beautiful as when under the heel of a conqueror, if there is hope again of seeing it intact. that is why one shouldn’t take the present intensity of national feeling as a guide to its actual efficacy, once liberation has been effected, for ensuring the stability of a public life.’
‘in times of greatest stress, which are not necessarily those of the greatest danger, but those when Man finds himself, in the face of the tumult raging in his flesh and blood and bowels, alone and bereft of all outward support, those whose inward lives depend entirely on one idea are the only ones capable of resisting. which is why totalitarian systems form men able to withstand anything.’
‘let no one imagine either that a love of this nature would run the risk of rejecting or ignoring what there is of pure and genuine grandeur in the past history of France, or in the country’s present hopes and ideals. quite the opposite. compassion is all the more tender, all the more poignant, the more good one is able to discern in the being who forms the object of it, and it predisposes one to discern the good. when a Christian represents to himself Christ on the cross, his compassion is not diminished by the latter’s perfection, nor the other way about. but, on the other hand, such a love can keep its eyes open on injustices, cruelties, mistakes, falsehoods, crimes and scandals contained in the country’s past, its present and its ambitions in general, quite openly and fearlessly, without being thereby diminished; the love only rendered thereby more painful. where compassion is concerned, crime itself provides a reason, not for withdrawing oneself, but for approaching, not with the object of sharing the guilt, but the shame. thus compassion keeps its eyes open on both the good and the bad and finds sufficient reason for loving. it is the only love on this earth which is true and righteous. and just now it is the only sort of love which is suitable for the French.’
(simone weil, the need for roots)