you get a shiver in the dark and it’s been raining in the park but meantime, south of the river you stop and you hold everything; a band is blowing dixie double four time, you feel all right when you hear the music ring; now you step inside but you don’t see too many faces, comin’ in out of the rain to hear the jazz go down; competition too many other places, oh but the horns, they blowin’ that sound boy, way on down south way on down south london town, all right; check out guitar george, now he knows all them fancy chords, mind he’s strictly rhythm he doesn’t wanna make it cry or sing, he said an old guitar is all he can afford, when he gets up under the lights to play his thing; and harry doesn’t mind if he doesn’t make that fancy scene, he’s got a daytime job, he’s doing quite all right (thank you very much); he can play the honky tonk just like anythin’, savin’ it up for the friday night, with the sultans, with the sultans of swing; yes a crowd of young boys they’re foolin’ around in the corner, drunk and dressed in their best brown baggies and their platform soles; they don’t give a damn about any trumpet playin’ band, it ain’t what they call rock and roll, but the sultans, oh yeah the sultans play creole; and then the man he steps right up to the microphone and says at last just as the time bell rings, thank you goodnight now it’s time to go home, and he makes it fast with one more thing, we are the sultans, yeah we are the sultans of swing, all right

there are no words to describe how much i love this song.

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you know what, that photographic portrait project by joel miller on the friendster homepage is actually pretty intriguing. some of the titles are terribly bland and non-descriptive, but “sue – son” is a pretty good picture.

think i kind of need to sleep.

i can already see where all this is going! help.
i’m sure you can tell by now that my sleep cycle is totally gone to hell :)

if you want to be my friend, you want us to get along, please do not expect me to wrap it up and keep it there — the observation i am doing could be easily be understood as cynical demeanour but one of us misread, and what do you know, and it happened again; a friend is not a means you utilize to get somewhere, somehow didn’t notice the friendship is an end and what do you know it happened again; how come no one told me all throughout history the loneliest people were the ones who always spoke the truth, the ones who made a difference by withstanding the indifference, i guess it’s up to me now, should i take that risk or just smile, what do you know it happened again what do you know, one of us misread (kings of convenience yaye)

i think thinking about your life and what you want to do with it is terribly depressing. it’s a neccessary stage (heh, TNS! i once made a joke about it to J., who unsurprisingly didn’t find it very funny) that everyone has to go through, and there’s always a point where you feel as if all your previous experiences in doing exactly the same thing pale terribly in comparison, as if they’re not significant enough, they don’t mean anything. when was the last time you thought as if PSLE was a pivotal point in your life? my dad always said, you don’t need to be way up there, just good enough to get you to where you want to go, to get to the next stage. everything gets complicated when you want to go to where everything really is up there. how up do you need to go? it’s easy to say just do your best and see where life takes you. i just read D.’s blog and it’s terribly true, how “knowingly we ignore the hundreds who at their dusk tell themselves they’re happy with what they have”; when everything is so complicated (and it’s not just about school, or about love) how do you reconcile yourself with the fact that you will never be content? i’m sure at some point in the near future i will think back and realise that these six months of pure hard work will have been worth it; but for now it’s just not getting through at all, especially when i look around me and just know that at some point in my life i’ll realise that everything i’ve done with my life will have been a waste of time, because you can’t predict anything, you don’t know what’s going to happen, everything’s a gamble though you try like hell to convince yourself that it’s not, things have a way of going terribly wrong, that halfway through life i’ll be happier with far simpler things that never will require this much hard work, things like watching your kids grow up and loving your husband and watching your husband love you, spending time with your family (is every woman like that? how can mums give up highflying jobs to stay at home and do nothing?), and in the end we always end up right back where we started. i wish it was as easy as ignoring what everybody else says or is doing, but it’s more than that, there are so many things to consider, least of all yourself. there are too many people to think of, too many things at stake, too much money involved. it’s not as easy as choosing whether to go to hc or rj. how much money are you willing to gamble on love? it only takes you so far. i don’t know why the hell i’m taking so long to decide what the hell i want to do. and yes, sooner or later i’ll look back and laugh at myself for taking so long to decide what will be terribly obvious ten years later. mr B has a knack of saying such terribly true things on hindsight.

and because i can’t get to sleep (i share this chronic problem with HZ, thinking about life in the middle of the night), but am too sleepy to do any work (did i mention micro-econs is actually getting rather fun?), i’ll steal D.’s survey.

THINGS YOU CAN’T LIVE WITHOUT
Something important on your desk: tissue paper, this is the effect of chronic sinus
when you sleep you wear: tshirt and shorts. how is this something you can’t live without?
If you could afford it at the moment, you would buy: sleep
Something you don’t have a lot of: money
If your house was burning and you could only save 3 items what would they be: the shelf with all my notebooks on it, the shoebox with all my correspondence, all the photo albums i can find (is this cheating?)

MORALS
If there were no side effects, you would enjoy being addicted to: anything carb-related
A time when you purposely hurt someone emotionally: i just closed up and didn’t talk at all
A time you accidentally hurt someone emotionally: i can’t recall offhand but there are probably loads of incidents, i’m not the world’s most tactful person, ie diplomatic failure
One person you have killed in your thoughts: J., though it doesn’t really count because i dreamed it

FRIENDS
Three traits you look for in a friend: laughter, trust, great conversations
Who makes you laugh most often: i have no idea
A friend who you can tell anything: K., only because my deeds pale in comparison :)
A friend you can go to for advice: J., as long as i actually have a conversation; or NJ, because she makes plenty sense
Two closest friends: K. and N. (KNN! heh i think i’m so funny)
The friend who uses most of your energy: J., takes so much effort to talk

EGO
Your 3 best qualities: i don’t know
Your 3 worst qualities: laziness, tendency to be fake around people i don’t really care about, pretending i actually care when i don’t
Describe your Ideal self: less lazy, less apathetic, less self-centred, less … alot of things
You are embarassed when: i listen to people bitching about people i like
The greatest physical pain you ever endured: i don’t remember, probably post-op when anaesthetic wore off
The greatest emotional pain you ever endured: it sounds like it’s got to be these few years, but it was probably more when i was twelve
Moment you are most ashamed of: standing silent when my mum was shouting at my grandma. my grandma does not deserve to be shouted at
Your best physical feature: no idea
Who/What makes you happy: laughter, chocolate cake, my mum most of the time, and others

EMOTIONS
Emotion you hide most: insecurity (is that even an emotion)
The emotion you are feeling most lately: STRESS hahaha
You have a huge amount of guilt regarding: hurting various people when i shouldn’t have
When you are angry you need: to go somewhere quiet and calm myself down
When you are sentimental you need: to stop thinking
When you are in love you need: alot of space

MEMORIES
One of your most peaceful memories: emerald hill
One of your most tragic memories: the aftermath of sitting in the study waiting for my parents to drive home
One of your angriest memories: eavesdropping behind closed doors
A memory that makes you happy: 412
Something someone can say or do that you find extremely attractive: play some instrument; i like watching fingers move
Something someone can say or do that you find unattractive: too much flamboyance
A personality trait you find appealing: love for cooking =x
Your secret passion: would i tell you? hm.
What you enjoy most about having a committed relationship: the silences

RELATING
Do you have a bf/gf if yes who?: nope
What music is on when you have sex, or is it the tv?: i have no idea but i always thought some chillout eagles song would be pretty good to set the mood
Favorite song to have sex to: do people actually bother with this? when you’re in throes of passion you wouldn’t exactly care what’s playing would you
Describe your perfect mate physically: nice hair pls
Describe your perfect mate’s personality: someone happy and outgoing
Favorite thing you like to see your perfect mate wear: nothing? …well ok i think guys who can pull off suits are damn hot

YOU
If you had more time alone you would: walk
If you had more patience you would: try talking to people
If you could change one thing about your physical appearance what would it be: be my mum’s size when she was 18
If you had no commitments what would you be doing: nothing … i think i could just bum forever and ever and ever
If you could have one super power what would it be: legilimency :)
If you could start all over: not screwing up would be a start

you know what’s better than the feeling you get after studying econs straight for 3 hours? it’s that feeling you get at 5pm in the afternoon with a great cup of coffee, a bag of chips, alot of konnyaku jelly, and chocolate pudding that really should be called orgasm. and i think, yesterday’s rain run pwned my hip. it hurts like hell and is bruised right down mid thigh. i’m so good at this shit. =D

DO YOU KNOW HOW GOOD PINK FLOYD IS LIVE? PINK FLOYD REUNITES! PIGS CAN FLY! DAVID GILMOUR OMG. I LOVE LIVE8. YES I AM SLOW AND ONLY WATCHING NOW. BUT OMG. WISH YOU WERE HERE! COMFORTABLY NUMB! AND TO TOP OFF MASSIVE VIDEO DOWNLOADING SPREE, DIRE STRAITS LIVE AT WEMBLEY FOR MANDELA’S 70TH BIRTHDAY! HOW GREAT IT IS TO SEE BROTHERS IN ARMS PLAYED LIVE AFTER BEING BANNED FROM SOUTH AFRICA! MARK KNOPFLER! STEEL GUITAR! AND I HAVE 5 DIFFERENT VERSIONS OF SULTANS OF SWING! HAHA! LED ZEPPELIN LIVE IN 1985 FOR THE ORIGINAL LIVE AID! AND HIS TWO-HEADED GUITAR! OMG ARGHHHH I LOVE I LOVE I LOVE.

this song is addictive. haven’t heard it in damn long and itunes suddenly played it. it rocks it rocks it rocks it’s such a earworm, you just can’t get it out of your head.

dream on, though it’s hard to tell, though you’re fooling yourself, dream on; dream on, you can hide away, there is nothing to say so dream on; dream on, though it’s hard to tell though you’re fooling yourself dream on — you can laugh at me because i’m crying, you can tell your friends how much i begged you to stay, you can live your fantasy without me once you never know much i needed you, dream on, it’s so easy for you, though i’m broken in two dream on; dream on, you can’t ever see what you’re doing to me so dream on; you can cross your heart and still be lying, you can count the reasons why you’ve thrown it away you can kill your life away without me, but you never know much i needed you — you can laugh at me because i’m crying, you can tell your friends how much i begged you to stay, you can live your fantasy without me, but you never know how much i needed you; dream on it’s so easy for you though i’m broken in two so dream on, dream on you can’t ever see what you’re doing to me so dream on dream on though it’s hard to tell though you’re fooling yourself dream on (nazareth)

btw today was rather weird. and a bit messed up. and if possible, i am more disturbed than ever.

310

HAPPY BIRTHDAY CHUE!

today was pretty weird. had tuition, rushed off after wolfing down lunch to suntec, stayed for half an hour, wore a tshirt that on hindsight might have offended some people, talked to seniors, rushed off with NJ and JY to watch SDJRR play (i was going to say SQ and J and .. till i realised i knew all of them so naming them was a rather pointless exercise) and stayed to watch ronin after that. their single is actually pretty good! fantastic showmanship. haha it’s funny to think about how they played for us two years back when they hadn’t made it big yet, but it does show dreams can come true. it’s all good. :) went off to WIAM to mug after that, halfway through X2 called me and i was pretty surprised by that, though he called me a few days ago too. he came over and we studied for about 3 hours. it was the first time in a long time, both seeing him and studying with someone at WIAM. it was pretty awkward. but i guess i’m not the only one who has awkward relationships with such people. hoho.

it was pretty good conversation though. wonder if being friends is ever possible with X3. how come i always get a hard time, honey, only when it comes to you?

there are many things that will tear you apart if you let them, and all of them have lines. they divide things into neat halves or quarters or thirds and are not easy to find. sometimes it is the edge of a price tag when you pick up a shirt, sometimes it is the sharp smile of a teenager, a jutting hipbone of a woman. these things leave marks on you when you touch them, when your hands go so near your fingers cannot help but be scalded a little; maybe like umbridge’s favourite punishment, they etch small red lines on your skin. there are many things that will tear you apart if you let them, and not all of them are dead. some are living, breathing, are not just parts of a person, but sometimes their whole. it is possible to look at a person and be cut in a million different places, just thinking what your hands are thinking, moving your eyes like hands, slowly, slowly, across the universe only to realise your eyes are watering. it is possible to look at a bare back and be cut by the line that cleanly follows the spine, to look at a side profile and be marked by a spectacle frame. lovers, sitting by the wayside, angle themselves so they fit perfectly into each other, like a spoon, a fork, various pieces of cutlery, a knife. what nobody remembers is the tall column of light, down from the streetlamps, where the boy of your dreams is standing with his face half obscured by the darkness, where the shadows grow taller and shorter as you walk. everything is a continuous line, so fluid, so terribly motionless. and everything threatens to slice you in half.

what cuts me most are the lines of tables. all so cleanly marked out, this territory mine, that territory yours. personal space, they call it. and then someone reaches over to tap your shoulder, attempts to borrow a pen, smiles at you devastatingly before returning to a phone conversation. it works best when you don’t know the person, when the smiles can be as bold as possible, when the eye contact means nothing. over in places where table lines are joined and everything is all close together, things become more complicated. when three people try to sit in places meant for two someone is bound to get cut off. when nobody bothers to follow the rules a brush of a few fingers, reaching for the same thing, it can be construed into everything and nothing all at once. everything is linear. everything cuts you in two. all you need is imagination. all you need is love. and you know as well as i do things never ever come full circle.

lines

there are many things that will tear you apart if you let them, and all of them have lines. they divide things into neat halves or quarters or thirds and are not easy to find. sometimes it is the edge of a price tag when you pick up a shirt, sometimes it is the sharp smile of a teenager, a jutting hipbone of a woman. these things leave marks on you when you touch them, when your hands go so near your fingers cannot help but be scalded a little; maybe like umbridge’s favourite punishment, they etch small red lines on your skin. there are many things that will tear you apart if you let them, and not all of them are dead. some are living, breathing, are not just parts of a person, but sometimes their whole. it is possible to look at a person and be cut in a million different places, just thinking what your hands are thinking, moving your eyes like hands, slowly, slowly, across the universe only to realise your eyes are watering. it is possible to look at a bare back and be cut by the line that cleanly follows the spine, to look at a side profile and be marked by a spectacle frame. lovers, sitting by the wayside, angle themselves so they fit perfectly into each other, like a spoon, a fork, various pieces of cutlery, a knife. what nobody remembers is the tall column of light, down from the streetlamps, where the boy of your dreams is standing with his face half obscured by the darkness, where the shadows grow taller and shorter as you walk. everything is a continuous line, so fluid, so terribly motionless. and everything threatens to slice you in half.

what cuts me most are the lines of tables. all so cleanly marked out, this territory mine, that territory yours. personal space, they call it. and then someone reaches over to tap your shoulder, attempts to borrow a pen, smiles at you devastatingly before returning to a phone conversation. it works best when you don’t know the person, when the smiles can be as bold as possible, when the eye contact means nothing. over in places where table lines are joined and everything is all close together, things become more complicated. when three people try to sit in places meant for two someone is bound to get cut off. when nobody bothers to follow the rules a brush of a few fingers, reaching for the same thing, it can be construed into everything and nothing all at once. everything is linear. everything cuts you in two. all you need is imagination. all you need is love. and you know as well as i do things never ever come full circle.

darlings, darlings. don’t worry! the pictures come naturally if you ask nicely for them. which of course, E. did. :) hmph talk abt transcultural face. it was actually pretty fun, aside from all the weird looks i got and the difficulty in putting it on (notice i never bothered with the obi, since it takes ages to tie and i have no idea how to do it) hence looked vaguely like a red puffed-up samurai thing in flipflops. hoho.

i love keith’s outfit. don’t you? everyone loved it! even mr B did!

i was quite surprised actually, by how many people in our class actually bothered dressing up, though it struck me as somewhat surprising that nearly everyone in hc just opted to wear their school uniforms to school, whereas in sec sch everyone’d just wear outside clothes in an attempt to look ‘eurasian’, hoho.
so glad no one opted to do that though! um, well. unleashing samurai tendencies?! after the nightmare that was thursday’s lessons we had a break before seowcons and we clearly did all manner of Stupid Things before trudging down to the canteen. it’s amazing what you can do with things you find lying around in class. luckily it was a 12pm break and clearly No One was in the canteen.

well, except mr M. and yup mr M joined in the fun too. we had to take this picture 3 times due to shaky hand/thumb in lens/too much light. dr W was pretty nice about redoing it though. note huge goofy smile on mr M’s face. :)

HZ attempts to flash me with F.’s bathing suit.

everyone together! i had another shot with everyone trying to look terribly stoned, but it just came out looking like we were posing for some stupid model shoot where nobody was looking at the camera but trying to act Cool. it came out blurry though, what a pity, would’ve been hilarious.

post racial-harmony surprise birthday! july babies are B., C., JY, L. :)

that’s all! it was really fun though. haha so much for world domination, but it’s pretty good for a last RHD in school. :)

racial harmony day 2005

darlings, darlings. don’t worry! the pictures come naturally if you ask nicely for them. which of course, E. did. :) hmph talk abt transcultural face. it was actually pretty fun, aside from all the weird looks i got and the difficulty in putting it on (notice i never bothered with the obi, since it takes ages to tie and i have no idea how to do it) hence looked vaguely like a red puffed-up samurai thing in flipflops. hoho.

i love keith’s outfit. don’t you? everyone loved it! even mr B did!

i was quite surprised actually, by how many people in our class actually bothered dressing up, though it struck me as somewhat surprising that nearly everyone in hc just opted to wear their school uniforms to school, whereas in sec sch everyone’d just wear outside clothes in an attempt to look ‘eurasian’, hoho.
so glad no one opted to do that though! um, well. unleashing samurai tendencies?! after the nightmare that was thursday’s lessons we had a break before seowcons and we clearly did all manner of Stupid Things before trudging down to the canteen. it’s amazing what you can do with things you find lying around in class. luckily it was a 12pm break and clearly No One was in the canteen.

well, except mr M. and yup mr M joined in the fun too. we had to take this picture 3 times due to shaky hand/thumb in lens/too much light. dr W was pretty nice about redoing it though. note huge goofy smile on mr M’s face. :)

HZ attempts to flash me with F.’s bathing suit.

everyone together! i had another shot with everyone trying to look terribly stoned, but it just came out looking like we were posing for some stupid model shoot where nobody was looking at the camera but trying to act Cool. it came out blurry though, what a pity, would’ve been hilarious.

post racial-harmony surprise birthday! july babies are B., C., JY, L. :)

that’s all! it was really fun though. haha so much for world domination, but it’s pretty good for a last RHD in school. :)

I LOVE JELLY. I LOVE YOGHURT. HOW ABOUT BOTH? HOW ABOUT TOGETHER? THEY CAN HAVE MAD SEX IN MY TUMMY ALL NIGHT LONG. HOHO I DID NOT JUST SAY THAT. MARIGOLD, BROWNES, EMMI AND ELLE&VIRE ARE MAKING ALOT OF MONEY OUT OF ME. NEEDLESS TO SAY MY DIETARY HABITS HAVE BEEN SHOT TO HELL. I MUST SAY THAT RUNNING EVERYDAY LIKE WHAT RM DOES IS VERY APPEALLING SUDDENLY. THOUGH I REALISED, IF YOU STAY OFF THE CARB, EVERYTHING IS GOOD! EATING RICE IS SO GOOD. NEED BELT. JEANS DROPPING. NEED TO ALTER STUPID SALE PAIR. WHICH HAS BEEN SITTING IN MY CUPBOARD FOR THREE WEEKS GATHERING DUST AND IS ONE SIZE TOO BIG, BECAUSE I WAS STUPID AND BOUGHT THE WRONG SIZE AGAIN. WHEE. IT’S CLEARLY BRAINFREEZE. IT’S 11.42 AND I GOT HOME AT 10. HARHAR. I THOUGHT I SAW SOMEONE PASS BY TODAY THAT LOOKED LIKE YOU. IT’S CLEARLY I’M SUCH A GHEY STALKER. TOMORROW IS RACIAL HARMONY DAY. IT’S TO CELEBRATE 23 PEOPLE DYING 40 YEARS AGO. I HAD A CONVERSATION WITH W. ABOUT THIS. I TOLD HIM IT WAS POPULATION RATIO BECAUSE PEOPLE IN CHINA MADE SUCH A BIG DEAL OF 2000 PEOPLE DYING WHEN THEY HAVE LIKE HALF THE WORLD’S POPULATION ON THEIR LAND. OR WHATEVER, I AM BEING INSENSITIVE. I HOPE EVERYONE IS DRESSING UP FOR YOUR LAST RACIAL HARMONY DAY IN YOUR LIFE EVER. SINCE I AM PRETTY SURE YOU WILL NEVER REMEMBER THIS DAY EVER AGAIN TILL YOUR KIDS GROW UP AND HAVE TO GO TO SCHOOL IN EXACTLY THE SAME THING YOU WORE, BECAUSE ETHNIC COSTUMES NEVER CHANGE. WHEE. I AM PRETENDING TO BE A JAP GIRL TOMORROW. I THINK I SHALL GO AROUND IN MY LITTLE RED KIMONO AND TIE MY HAIR IN TWO PLAITS AND SQUEAL ‘KAWAII!!’ AT EVERYTHING WHILE TAKING STUPID PICTURES OF MYSELF WITH THE PEACE SIGN AND A HUGE SMILE. DOES THAT SOUND LIKE A PLAN? IT IS MY GREAT PLAN TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD. IT IS STARTING TOMORROW. I WILL BE ARMED WITH A CAMERA. BEWARE. HOHOHO. (THIS ACTUALLY FEELS RATHER FUN.)

TOMORROW IS PHOTOTAKING. WE WILL BE IMMORTALISED FOREVER IN THE HCI YEARBOOK WITH SUITABLY DISGUSTING HAIR TO LAUGH (OR BE HORRIFIED) OVER APPROXIMATELY FIFTY YEARS LATER. OR MAYBE WITH LUCK WE’D BE DEAD BY THEN. BUT NO, IT’S WHEE FOR EXTENDED LIFE EXPECTANCY. HOORAY, WE SHOULD ALL EAT SUSHI AND MIGRATE TO JAPAN. SEE. IT ALL COMES DOWN TO THE BLOODY NIPPONS. I SHOULD TURN JAPANESE AND LIVE FOREVER. HOORAY.

SHOULD STOP TYPING IN CAPS. BUT WHATEVER. IT ANNOYS YOU. SO IT’S FUN. anyway bye. :)

realised that as always i write a hell lot more when i’m stressed. i’m breaking out again :( sigh. everything that comes out nowadays is crap, though. anyway walking home from the bus-stop tonight, i’d forgotten how good it feels to stop one stop earlier and walk home through the small little winding lane, through the great big canopy of black trees and hear your feet squish the puddles on the road floor. it’s amazing. the light just kind of pools at your feet, and no, i wasn’t singing this time round. it’s been a long time since i could bring myself to do that, since last july i wasn’t even here to enjoy the rain-soaked evenings. it’s always the walking home alone feeling vaguely buoyant and not-quite-high (not knowing quite why) that calms the tired nerves down and makes you come back down to earth again. it’s the whole tiring day at school and the intense hours of mugging (at the same old place, with the same old faces) and knowing that you’re walking back with a heavy bag on your shoulder back home, where you should be, where it’s healthy and peaceful and just comforting in general. july days are wonderful days; they’re quiet and greatly calming. i’d forgotten about that. :)

walking home alone on a late night, july 19

walking home alone on a late night does strange things to a person. looking down the stretch of pale road, tinted yellow by the glow of streetlamps, where the road goes on forever and ever, till finally you cannot and do not tell the difference between what is a mirage and what is disappointingly real – the sky bulges with the presence of night and remains clear of stars. there are no flaws dotting the canvas tonight – the only stars there are are the faint yellow dots on the ground – all you see is a huge stretch of black sky, so black it looks purple, for colour dilutes itself with each hour that passes. (at 3 or 4am, they tell me, the sky is dark and orange) as you walk down the road there are no cars, no honk of sound, no whizzing past of engines that hurl their sounds against your consciousness, demanding entrance, demanding, demanding, demanding. there are no people, no twittering and murmuring of gentle voices, no incessant giggling or boisterous laughter, no trails of youth or tastes of age – only a chilling silence so cold it cuts the skin and one cannot ignore it, a silence that wraps itself like a rug around your freezing shoulders, snug as a bug. the only sound one hears is the breeze, blowing itself into your face like it should have been in your arms; it is so gentle one does not feel the chill, but it is there, it is there, it will always be there. it rustles the leaves on trees, golden with midnight splendour, speaking to you a language you will never understand, but will always strain to hear.

turning into a shady path – which is, ironically, less well-lit than its shortcut – the ancient trees cast their own brand of protection over you, as if being covered from above by leaves and branches, strong and old, old but strong, will save you from the torrents of rain that splash down from the sky, and only a faint drip of water finds its way down into the drains that you walk along. there are houses that line the path – old houses, new houses, houses that have been rebuilt, houses being rebuilt, the roadside is lined with old newspapers and debris from a past life – thrown carelessly like rubbish into a huge container, where tomorrow someone will come and pick it up, and tomorrow they will throw more things. passing by parking lots, which come personalized with their very own cars, are marked out with precise carefulness. the cars, devoid of life, reflect the stare of streetlamps off their backs, glowing black and green and grey, and as you walk by them the shadows you make on their side windows morph and move into shapes you think you’ve seen before. there’s a space in the road you’ve never seen before, and for a moment you stand and stare at it like a familiar stranger, like someone you should know but cannot, for the life of you, remember his name. ten years you have walked by this road and you do not recall this small detail – and the wall this space decorates seems oddly blank and bare with a stretch of infinity in front of it.

there’s a lone voice that travels out through the picture frame, from this picturesque, postcard-perfect scene, and it is yours. the discordance jars the silence but there is no one here, only the trees, and they are not laughing.

turning left, where the protections end, where the leaves open to reveal blinding darkness, illuminated only by soft glows of sidewalk lamps – only that tonight it seems distinctly different, as one streetlamp flickers white instead of yellow as you walk past. past empty houses you’ve never seen people live in, although they’ve just been rebuilt, past the non-existent memories of this stretch of road. turning right into the avenue the noise of laughter and cheer echoes from the houses inside – they’re having a party and a ball of a time, while a lone figure stands outside the white gates and silently types alphanumeric declarations of love into his phone, into his girlfriend, fifteen kilometers away. his face is dreamy but so is the night, everyone has the right to feel this way, once in awhile. under the dark clouds that float below the small trees you walk, till you feel the shadows of familiar black gates on your face, till the lights of a home shine two metres away, till the peace you feel at sharing the midnight solitude with yourself escalates into a quiet kind of high, which you pray does not, and will never fade, at least for tonight, where the peace takes you beyond yourself.

HAH. it’s clearly poetic then >>>> poetic now. SIGH. but well yeah the feeling doesn’t change much! hmmm.

during PE today (or after, more like) while we were sitting at the canteen NJ asked me a question i managed (surprisingly) not to think about for about two weeks. so naturally i spent the rest of the day feeling pretty disturbed. and during PE i attempted to sleep for awhile only to jerk awake because i was having a nightmare on the 1793 terror which i was just looking through before closing my eyes. GG!

i realise that WIAM has a constant flow of people. and because the tables on either side of me are two-seaters, i’m evitably sandwiched in between couples. they’re pretty amusing to eavesdrop on (especially the arguments), considering the tables are pretty near each other, and, well, i’m just kaypoh. heh heh. i think the staff know all the muggers by face, since they appear so regularly. i think i’ve been there so often that i even know their shifts as well; there’s this uncle who smiles at me every time he comes round to clean the tables (since i always sit at the same table, because miraculously it’s always free and it’s damn good for people-watching) and he comes at around 5pm every day (i only know cos i went there every day of last week save thursday) — it’s kinda funny, watching the constants in your life morph about. the auntie at the counter recognises me from two years ago! >_<
(i hope after this year i never have to mug there again.)

HOHOHO the GOFUGYOURSELF love is spreading! i think it’s just an innate human trait to appreciate ugliness in everybody else but yourself. famous everybody elses, of course. but some of that really is quite bad. and following the end of haute couture week, now i understand why it’s called haute couture. it’s just so — not wearable. and impractical. and outrageous. and mostly very pretty. chanel had the whole bouffant thing going on, which was okay i guess, and omg balenciaga -hugs- i love them! all their lines are so clean and their clothes are so simple and beautiful and classic. and valentino too hahhh evening dresses :( sorry. you can tell i’m not a fan of fashion trends >_< (which is why i really, REALLY hate dior & LV, though for different reasons, apart from the fact that they’re copied ALL OVER the place and hence there’s really not much point in buying a genuine dior/LV anything for unidentified n00bs to look at, since the only people who can really tell the difference have about 349573496 times more money than you anyway) am pretty happy to stick with tshirts and jeans and the occasional miniskirt. have a shitload of shirts i don’t wear though. whoops. i remember two years ago when the whole ruffle/lace thing was going on (still is, i think, just back in a different form) N. and i kept walking down orchard road gagging at everything we saw. i just stepped into mango just now and realised that their new collection had a shitload of lace and ruffles on it (again). WHAT is with the gypsy thing going on nowadays?! anything peasant-blousey looking has me thinking of esmeralda in the hunchback of notredame. good grief. and BEADS. and GLITTER. TOGETHER. TOO. MUCH. AROUND. just because everybody died and proclaimed sienna miller queen of boho doesn’t mean everyone else has to follow suit! argh! the trends nowadays scare me! is there nothing wearable at all on this earth!? :(:(:( BAH. btw i found the term bobo really funny, since it really means bourgeois bohemian, which (far from what misguided americans think) really is a derogatory term, ref: french revolution and All That. how can you be bohemian and bourgeois at the same time! Pretentious Folks, we Are. (and yoda will descend on you with a lightsabre soon.)

wah! i just spent an entire paragraph grousing about fashion! amazing. had great dinner with mum tonight, bumped into R. and her sister at cold storage! haha! whee and the bag that HY bought is MOTHERBIG and EVERYTHING fits inside. my mum decided to open the chocolates she bought from france! HOHO. is a PRETTY GOOD day.

today’s been a lovely, lovely day; despite the fact i’m very tired. did absolutely no work at all (unless you count the tuition) and meanwhile walked about the whole of city hall not knowing there was NDP rehearsal going on (what’s with holding it at the padang?! argh) so all the stupid police guards were shooing the people in the MRT stations to leave. met HY for lunch to pass him M.’s shirt and get some stuff from him; he’s so nice! he bought me three frogs and a bag! (sounds pretty weird huh) but yeah it’s pretty cool. yay. walked about with K for 3 hours not buying what we intended to buy and i ended up buying a sports bra and a nike shirt. haven’t bought either of those for damn long. considering the looong mugging season ahead i predict the usage of alot alot of tshirts and shorts, so it’s probably an investment considering all things. argh. am still on frenchrev! HOW! will attempt to finish it tomorrow. went to A.’s house after that; the starting was pretty tame (and alot of people left) till we started being stupid and playing the animal concentration game, then L. and D. (LD!) got high and started dancing to the music. and broke something, which dissipated all the high energy. though it was pretty fun before that. after that we sat around watching various people play tennis and a zonked out me was commenting on digitally-enhanced bodies. yaye! was supposed to go home with N. but i think i stayed abit too late oops :( sorry nicky! anyway A.’s dog is REALLY CUTE. everyone should play with it! argh! she’s soooo friendly!

also today, bumped into SA again. predictably exchanged one sentence with him and left it at that. i hate the way things are so awkward sometimes hmmm. also! thought he looked better than usual today! haha irrelevant comments.

have family lunch tomorrow, with predictably irritating cousin(s). i don’t know why i say that since they’re all really really nice people, but– argh. anyway after that, will head off to WIAM, again. my study smells of berries. it’s the tea my mum’s drinking! hmm non sequitur, heh.

B. asked me yesterday what WIAM was. or is, rather. well. it’s somewhere familiar, somewhere central, somewhere red. so yup, there you go. K. is pmsing for no reason (actually he’s whining over the fact that he can’t read harry potter any other day but TOMORROW, which is pissing me off just a LITTLE), and i just spent 6 hours doing hist/econs while freezing to death at WIAM. i’m most productive when alone and free of distraction, hm. realised i can’t study with people who talk loads; so maybe that’s why HY is pretty good to study with among other things. just realised the massive amt of work there is has gotten even more massive because previously i forgot about s papers. ohoho.

hm. after properly blogsurfing today i realised the danger of not explaining yourself. so i will, and All That Jazz. so hm, Bad Mood that day, blahdeblah, things you already know and possibly don’t want to hear. is all True. aside from the fact that we take ages to actually get down to passing people things, i can assure you that yes, i actually did Buy it. it’s kind of rectangular. i bought it slightly late last year, in august. want more information? i can give you the price too. i can leave the bloody tag on if you want. please stop accusing me of things you don’t know if i have actually done. so anyway, Peace and Goodwill and All. will bring it along tomorrow, if you do decide to come. and yes, your birthday’s coming again. so i will make sure this time it’s actually on time. okay? i’m sorry for all discomfort caused.

is nice to know some things don’t change. i was going to write about what i saw today, but i’ll leave that for another time (i.e. never) since my mood (like alot of other things) has completely gone to pieces. am off to work.

i’m actually very, very tired. shall finish up the last few questions of poisson and then rot for the rest of the night. went to WIAM after school to mug today, not before talking to zing and SQ at the bus stop. SQ and friends were going jamming, which is pretty cool, so since WIAM is pretty close to wherever, i suppose i shouldn’t have been surprised by SA’s appearance, but i was anyway. saw C., whom i haven’t seen in ages, and KK who came to meet C. to watch sin city and got jacked for the second time. been seeing alot of KK recently. o_O in any case SA sat down to study as well and we continued in companionable silence before he got up to go home for dinner. i was kind of glad, actually; don’t know why. i guess you can’t take too much of one thing at a time.

Your dating personality profile:

Liberal – Politics matters to you, and you aren’t afraid to share your left-leaning views. You would never be caught voting for a conservative candidate.
Athletic – Physical fitness is one of your priorities. You find the time to work athletic pursuits into your schedule. You enjoy being active.
Outgoing – You can liven up any party. You’ve got a way with people and have little difficulty charming your dates.

Your date match profile:

Shy – You are put off by people who are open books. You are drawn to someone who is a bit more mysterious. You want to draw him out of his shell and get to know what he is all about.
Religious – You seek someone who is grounded in faith and who possesses religious values. You believe that a religious person can enhance your life.
Intellectual – You seek out intelligence. Idle chit-chat is not what you are after. You prefer your date who can stimulate your mind.

Your Top Ten Traits

1. Liberal
2. Athletic
3. Outgoing
4. Intellectual
5. Sensual
6. Religious
7. Wealthy/Ambitious
8. Adventurous
9. Funny
10. Practical

Your Top Ten Match Traits

1. Shy
2. Religious
3. Intellectual
4. Athletic
5. Practical
6. Adventurous
7. Funny
8. Traditional
9. Big-Hearted
10. Wealthy/Ambitious

Take the Online Dating Profile Quiz at Dating Diversions

you know i’m damn bored when i start doing shit like this haha. anyway 61 days to prelims! haha courtesy of B. and aven (won’t use BE cos i think it looks really weird) in any case, athletic– not really. religious, not really. but as far the opposite sex was concerned i think it came pretty close. zzz hahaha.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY AMY!

300

300th post! haha i think it would’ve been like 1000 if i didn’t delete the rest cos i remember when i deleted all the shit last year it was about 700 posts. but anyway i’m happy though i’m awake at this stupid hour cos i feel vv productive and i just slept from 8-11pm after a great dinner at fish&co at wheelock (OMG!) and LD exco elections before that which were terribly amusing esp nicky haha so cute and before elections i was looking at my micro econs stuff and i’m like shit i don’t remember any of this. i came across price discrimination in international trade and im like zz wtf is that! this is bad! must study must study. saw HZ mugging erfurt union today and i was like omg i cant remember any of that either haha my memory is clearly for the short term i dunno how the hell i’m gonna survive life when all i do is cram cram for a short while then like 2 months later it all falls out. its like how i can’t remember ANY of my chem or physics and i predict i’ll forget all my maths after i leave jc hoho. i just realised that my math grade this term is gonna drag my ranking to greater lows hurhur so i hope to hell i dont screw up lit and hist. think id cry if i get like C omg yuck. ok enough bitching about stupid school stuff i can’t get to sleep now so i think hmm i’ll go do my MP attachment review (which is chaoji overdue heh) and then i’ll start on chaucer tomorrow hoho. its clearly an attempt to finish 3 essays in one week. there’s PPP on saturday! maybe watching sin city before that at H.’s house awyeah its clearly the life. i think when you have great friends the road to prelims may actually be bearable after all.

sometimes, it’s better not to know
holding on to something when you should just let go
two words, spoken in a dream
swimming to the surface like a last breath, last scream

push, pull, hurry up, start
would you give a little if you can’t give it up
ten years, picking at the sea
trying to wake the kid who’s messing up in your dream

hey kid, rock and roll
you’re so hung up, yes so
i wish i knew
a sure, simple way to reach you
i’d be the king if i could say to you
cut the baby in two, baby in two

two words, spoken in a dream
swimming to the surface like a last breath, last scream
sometimes it’s better not to know
holding on to nothing when you should just let go

hey kid, rock and roll
you’re so hung up, yes so
i wish i knew
a sure, simple way to reach you
i’d be the king if i could say to you
cut the baby in two, baby in two

sometimes to say life feels like
nothing half as wild as it is tomorrow
all right, you can cry
you’ve another prize of a word for sorrow

i’d be the king if i could say to you
cut the baby in two, baby in two

/pernice brothers
(this is really good,
not just because of king solomon reference)

*
sometimes we forget that pop doesn’t always mean popular music in the sense we always think it is. it’s not always just about little girls and boys prancing about with backup dancers on a stage and grooving to the (terribly upbeat) strains of breaking hearts. for all the supposed melancholy, nowadays it seems more like an independence thing than a la belle (ref: keats) type-thing, and accordingly the songs come with BOOM-BOOM tempos. it doesn’t excuse alot of what we hear on radio, and it is pretty jarring most of the time, but ah– sometimes we forget that pop is too often just a subset of the larger picture, a whole world out there of popular music. just well, you know, not as popular. and thanks to the wonder that is (well, alot of things, so i guess it should be are) LimeWire, onechord.net, ST music review, MOJO and Q magazines, i’ve (re?)discovered pop that isn’t bubblegum version 20.6. i love it! there are so many different types: guitarpop, melodicpop, rockpop (though this last one seems a little superfluous to me)– the labels actually are quite unnecessary and they don’t really mean anything, after all pop, unlike rock, sounds like it’s mostly the same feel-good type of stuff anyway. but feel-good they are! i just checked through my itunes this morning and realised how much of my stuff that isn’t rock is actually pop when i’ve just been refusing to admit it, but yes, Zen and Peace With Myself. so i listen to pop. i actually like it. although i haven’t tuned into anything other than GOLD90FM in about six years, yes, there are times when i can’t get toxic out of my head. i confess, now (even britbrit can come up with some good stuff occasionally). i’m not actually as snobbish as i pretend to be, and like my frequently failing literary tastes (that extend to the occasional raunchy romance novel; and unlike J., i don’t have a maid whom i can sneak peeks from so the guilt is wholly mine) my music taste is, well, not actually that exclusive.

you see, texas is pop. so’s sheryl crow. paula cole? you can’t tell me natalie imbruglia isn’t pop. new order used to be pop till it hit the 20-year mark and crossed over into the realm of ‘retro’. southern sons are pretty pop too. sheena easton, my baby takes the morning train? shea seger‘s considered pop too. nobody ever forgets about bic runga, and that’s POP in your face. i must admit, i’m pretty taken with shakira‘s new single, even though i don’t understand a word of it. mylene farmer‘s great pop. even (horror) kings of convenience is kind of pop too, so are frou frou and the pernice brothers, and if you want to be uppity, maybe it’s alternative pop, but it’s still pop. did you know fiona apple‘s considered pop under the music reviews too? it’s feel-good (relatively unpopular) pop music; it’s great to listen to while studying (every time i listen to rock while studying i end up humming the guitar solo instead of looking at the book) and i love that. so yes, not really a snob. and i sold out (kind of), but if it’s good music, and you like it, it doesn’t really matter what it is, does it? it’s all about Personal Taste, yo.

so i will now try to refrain from disparaging 13 year olds who think hilary duff is the coolest thing on earth. :)

today’s been pretty good!

  1. expo convention was rather interesting; though i thought pre-lunch > post-lunch, but i got a free pen (i love free pens) and a nice file and lots and lots of motivation, so that was pretty good
  2. finished binomial distributions tutorial
  3. studied fair bit of frenchrev
  4. saw cute guy! whee!
  5. um, two meals at BK today haha i must be like their biggest customer ever

missed some gathering in favour of studying hmm; YL keeps reminding me to post him a form but i keep forgetting! :( i think this studying thing is quite addictive; but it’s only the start, heh. long way more to go! sigh i look at my stuff and i dunno how the hell i’m gonna finish all that. esp HISTORY! heh heh. and i’m missing about 4 weeks’ worth of s-econs material: welfare economics, my favourite part (so far) ARGH! so now i just have alternative theories + marx then ________________ then– edgeworth’s box. stupid, stupid indifference curves. still have s-history essay to do. and chaucer essay; ARGH! need to workwork bye.
*

was waiting for the bus at the MRT/interchange just now and heard a song i hadn’t heard in quite awhile. reminded me greatly of dfeste last year! haha how long it’s been. i lovelovelove dfeste, it’s so much pain but just so much fun.

he didn’t even say goodbye;
he didn’t take the time to lie

my math is ABYSMAL.
(that was meant to instil some semblance of horror, but funnily enough, i’m not too bothered. maybe this zen thing is really working!)

i’m damn happy cos like, i just downloaded about 30 mp3s in 15 minutes. did i say i loved 85kb/s connections? did i? did i? I DO! I’M IN LOVE. this means Real Good Music is on the way, yo.

humanities quiz tomorrow. good luck to all, hoho. hope tomorrow’s attendance isn’t too dismal and enough seniors aren’t getting their asses bored off at singapore expo to go and make up the numbers. i just realised how busy tmr is. party tmr night but not going cos will be too tired i think. wanna go on wednesday nights! love the music cos it’s good (read: familiar) and the hand actions are just so, so funny. talking about that, D. messaged me with this just now:

D says:
omg man my dad just called me from china
D says:
and he’s like
D says:
i heard you go clubbing now! please use a condom when having sex
D says:
and i’m like zz man i don’t have a girlfriend
D says:
and he starts going on about casual sex
D says:
and then he starts lecturing me about gays
R says:
HAHAH
D says:
he’s like hey i heard some of the guys you go clubbing with are 30+
D says:
BEWARE OF GAYS OK
THEY ARE EVERYWHERE NOW
R says:
you know that’s funny only cos it isn’t true

hope all in london are okay. was thinking about how we were pretty lucky not to get bombed while we were there (well, i suppose it was all planned) considering the amount of times we used the tube; though the prospect of having all the other 5 (?) olympic candidate cities rigged to go off just when the bid was announced is pretty horrifying. it’s like conspiracyx10. or x5. or is it x6?! sigh.

H. is coming back on the 13th! yaye this means we can go watch sin city like we originally planned, oh, about TWO MONTHS AGO when we thought it was opening in singapore then. and um, let’s hope we can pass for 21, if not, good ol’ piracy will do the trick. i love the internet, omg, it has Revolutionised my life.

just got home from SIIA symposium; i don’t know whether it’s their fault or mine that i kept trying not to fall asleep throughout the entire thing, though i suspect it’s both. anyway was dead tired and really sleepy on the way home, and my eyes were hurting all the way: stupid me didn’t bring specs. the panel was pretty good (i guess) if you were bothering to listen, some parts were insightful and the panellists have rather impressive credentials, haha. working at worldbank is cool! :)

was massively irritated by horde of similarly-uniformed comrades sitting behind me, who were talking incessantly and were bored enough to create playing cards out of postcards. kept getting dirty looks from various people around us, and it’s one of those times where you’re damn ashamed of wearing the same uniform as them and you just want to crawl into a hole and die. i mean, if you want to talk you could at least make it look like you’re not the only ones in the entire audience chattering away! i bet we’re all blacklisted now in the NUS admissions office. HAH; but it’s not like it matters! but i bet a year later i’m going to check back on what i wrote on this day again and i’ll be starting university in singapore in a week or something. i hate the way i know these things! :( bumped into YL at the seminar today, sat next to him and spent the entire thing dying at cold jokes and doodling on the paper. he’s funny. VJC people are really weird.

am eating baked potato soup now with a lovely cup of orange juice. i love comfort food! though there is lots of food that comforts me, strangely. hmm okay after this i’m going to sleep or i’ll die. and then i shall embark on the Great Journey to Self-Discovery! (i.e. filing everything from the past year so i can start studying in normalcy, and don’t hyperventilate like during blocks when i can’t find some extract somewhere, eek)

it’s useless to go on ‘hiatus’, since i probably won’t be able to help myself, but if you see me online too often (hahaha) please slap me and tell me to get off and go study. it’s time to go first gear! or overdrive, whatever. right now i just want to sleep.

while writing down some stuff just now, i was struck by a few thoughts. so on a whim i decided to go check them out. it’s funny how i keep having this urge to see what i was doing or feeling on this same day one or two or three years ago. so i went back and checked it out, and it’s really funny how things change within the space of one or two years. it’s true when they say people come and go. and for fear of making this post sound like it’s about certain people again, like it almost always is, well– it isn’t, not really anyway. it’s just in me today to comment how in two years ago i seemed (or wrote as if i was) far, far happier than i am recently. which is not to say that life’s been terribly bad these few weeks, actually. it’s just the general sense of things. last year i wrote that i couldn’t be any happier but i think (on hindsight) that i was trying to convince myself more than anyone else. it’s no secret that sec4 was a beautiful year, school-wise and otherwise. but learning to stop dwelling on the otherwise part has been tough, though it’s slowly (hmm) getting back on track, learning that i have other things to deal with, knowing that there is more to life. it doesn’t stop me from going weepy once in awhile, since i know that it will never really be over till everything else is over (heh), but at least there is something else to lose yourself in and focus on. so anyway i figured that from now on, with prelims starting in two months and all that, i’ll make a conscious attempt to stop dwelling on the otherwise. judging from the emotional and physical stress that comes with studying for a big exam, i think that’s going to be pretty hard (considering what got me through sec4 — well i just don’t have that now), but it’s worth a shot. and it might make me a better person for it. so everyone if i degenerate into whining again please slap me and tell me to get a life! although i should have done this ages ago. but well i guess it’s not too late; so maybe at the end of everything when i finally have the guts to do what i want to do, i won’t collapse from the sheer pressure of it all. yaye!

hahaha i’ve just developed ALL my digital photos since 2003 and it’s omg a fucking lot. it cost me about 150+ in total but considering there’s like 46536346547 photos it’s actually not too bad. and omg while looking for shit to develop i came across a picture i took quite a long time ago, early last year, about april. it’s like omgomgomg haha sorry i think it’s a really nice picture and i’m not saying that just because i love this person and i think the person’s like one of the most beautiful people i know. but it’s just omgargh. i’m not v coherent am i! i didn’t develop it though, somehow i missed it out till after i gave the memorycard to the shop.

anyway in other news today’s bbq wasn’t really a bbq but it was quite fun; playing i have never is just really weird. went ecp after that and was hoping to stone abit more but hmm i guess everyone needs to go home. i’m still rather disturbed by yesterday’s phonecall and i can’t stop thinking about some things. sometimes you’re just wtf@yourself and omg haha pls let’s get over it maybe everyone will be happier. but that applies to so many things, not just the normal stuff. you realise there are some constants in your life that you take for granted will always be there, and when they’re gone they just fuck you up real bad. it’s at this point in time you don’t really need anymore constants, and some people just don’t understand that, maybe you don’t understand it yourself. sometimes you need to pull yourself together, some things you need to do yourself. and this is turning into a diatribe about nothing.

[EDIT] 4.19am
before plopping off to sleep, just wanted to get a few things off my mind. today was relatively fun i guess, discounting all things and stupid screwups here and there. freeloading like hell actually feels rather awkward after awhile. was watching live8 on tv when D. called, then we talked for daaamn long and now it’s finally ended. it’s strange to find out things about some people that you never knew, and things about yourself that you never knew either; then you don’t know what to feel because it’s all just so fucked up and there’s nothing you can do about it. it’s like some things some people don’t need to know and people don’t say and everybody respects that, and that should be the way. it’s comforting when people talk to you though. at least you know there’s someone to listen when you need them. sometimes you wish dancing can just solve all your problems. then there are times you know that it’s just not gonna work. i can’t believe some shit is still dragging on after so many years, and i wish i’d just get over myself and stop hurting some other people. but i don’t think it’s gonna be settled for a very long time, if it even gets settled at all. haha. it’s strange how everything comes back to the same shit, doesn’t it? i think it’s time to sleep before i do anything stupid.
[/EDIT]

it’s been rather tiring. N.’s house was pretty fun, with new house and swimming and al fresco sleeping :) there’s more planned later, with E.’s timbre opening and post-opening. it’s nice to have so much fun once in awhile, though i’m as tired as hell. i’m glad blocks are over. think i’ve lost weight but still feel damn fat. want to go shopping! it’s wtf @ mango and fitting into progressively smaller sizes. M. is crazy. many things are funny when you’re sleepy and tired and high and wet, then they’re not the next morning. but gossipfest was pretty funny. HY’s leaving today for spain! mm yes gold medal pls. talked to mum for an hour after i got back. she’s amused cos MW and SY are together. i miss my friends. i’m getting not very coherent.

[EDIT]
fuck it’s gonna get DAMN tiring. i wanted to sleep when i got home but clearly other things got in the way. need to leave the house in half an hour maybe i’ll just not go for dinner instead just go for the thing. omg this is an insane amt of alcohol in a weekend. my mum’s gonna think i’m mad. yup i think i’ll do that, really need some shuteye
[/EDIT]