edit 11.32am
i just woke up and i had the most disturbing dream in which the whole of humans was in a hotel that only provided white havaianas slippers and white bathrobes to wear (and nothing else) and it was there our econs marks got returned. J.’s paper was right on top so everyone could see his mark and he didn’t seem too concerned by it; when it came to mine the person giving it out turned it to page 4 (which somehow included a short-answer section unthinkable in a real-life econs exam) and smeared orange juice all over it and dissolving all the ink in the process. when i asked him why he said mr B specifically told him to stain my paper, saying all my answers were in poor taste. needless to say i got an F. i wonder if this is a sign. argh!!
*
ok the sad class soundtrack thing that the jrs have been doing and i’m bored enough to take up; not all of this is about the title, though there are some cases where they clearly apply. some of it is about the lyrics, others about the music, or even the mood. so we’re all good (:

jeremy ang bad – u2 “colours crash/collide in bloodshot eyes”
ang tze phern dude looks like a lady – aerosmith
wilson chew bohemian rhapsody – queen “any way the wind blows/doesn’t really matter to me”
penelope chia still haven’t found what i’m looking for – u2
chitralekha basu rock you like a hurricane – the scorpions “so what is wrong with/another sin”
ritchell choong dream on – aerosmith
tiffany choong wicked game – chris isaak
gavin foo i see you everywhere – goo goo dolls
ruth gan girls just wanna have fun – cyndi lauper
zarine heng miss sarajevo – u2 “here she comes/heads turn around”
gina heng these days – jennifer paige
alvin koh the silent man – dream theater
dawn lim money for nothing – dire straits “get your money for nothing/and your chicks for free”
lim xinyi everybody wants to rule the world – tears for fears
loh lingwei wounded – third eye blind you’re a marigold/… baby walk on baby walk on”
nadia susanto island in the sun – weezer “we’ll be playing having fun!”
ong chengyi maria – blondie “she walks like she don’t care/smooth as silk, cool as air”
seong huixuan armageddon it – def leppard
melvin soh who da man – richard blackwood
mark tan jerk it out – the caesars
joel tee caring is creepy – the shins
jerlene then the end of the innocence – don henley
jonathan wong every step you take – police
zhu yange heaven is – def leppard “she makes me feel good when i feel like hell”

anthony chuah woohoo – blur “it wasn’t easy/but nothing is”
leon bai flight attendant – josh rouse “such a pretty boy…”
samantha fong always somewhere – scorpions (um. but never here)
hah sihui i’m a loser baby – beck
bernard koh love will tear us apart – joy division
keith lai metrosexual man – blag dahlia (you saw this coming didn’t you)
lucas li vienna – billy joel
lim jieying zombie – the cranberries (this too)
lim shuhui never met a girl like you before – david bowie
ian lim cool – gwen stefani
lum hui zhen narcoleptic – placebo
melvin ng i’d rather dance with you – kings of convenience
nurul jihadah hussain under the bridge – rhcp “lonely as i am/together we cry”
ong rui lin wish you were here – pink floyd “we’re just two lost souls swimmin’ in a fish bowl”
ong rui min norwegian wood – the beatles “we talked till two then she said/it’s time for bed”
ooi tongwei karma police – radiohead “this is what you get/when you mess with us”
charmaine peck jumper – third eye blind “you’re the flash of light on a burial shroud”
faith perh sweet child of mine – g&r “she got a smile that it seems to me/reminds me of childhood memories”
tan kaiyun name – ggd “even though the moment passed me by”
eunice teng fair – remy zero
thng shuqi sing – travis (and this too)
wahjudi handoko take me out – franz ferdinand
yap woonkeat take it easy – the eagles
zhou jingdi freebird – lynyrd skynyrd “if i leave here tomorrow/would you remember me”

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the prerequisite holiday period will be over soon. even after getting math back and being faced with impending doom on tuesday with the return of econs marks and etcetc after that, i have yet to find a suitable motivation for studying again. i’m still so tired and worn out from the previous effort that i just can’t find it in me anymore. clearly i’m not the only one having this problem. but faced with the multitude of dismal results, i think it’s time to start finding something to work for again. maybe it’s looking at ZH & co. on wednesday and telling myself that this time next year i want to be the one getting sent off too, along with a whole lot of other people. whatever it is, we need to pwn.

i don’t understand how some people just fail to take a hint. really, who cares? do you feel the need to announce to the world that doesn’t bother with you that ‘you’re back’? i never even knew you were gone in the first place. and i really don’t give a damn if you’re flying on friday. it’s not even a matter of being where you shouldn’t be, or staying too long where someone doesn’t want you. it’s worse than that. it’s assuming the wrong people care about the mundane inner workings of your life and assuming people need your help when they really don’t. i didn’t ask you for advice in the first place so don’t go all ‘that’s where i won’t be able to help you, that’s one place where the marks didn’t deliver’. i’ve never seen someone so pointedly egotistical before. OMG YOU ANNOY ME. ARGH! this is one of those times i am practically on the verge of praying i don’t get into oxford because i’m so scared of seeing your continued existence for the next three years of my life. did you not learn anything throughout your attempts at a social life? do you not realise that the world does not revolve around political discussions and being able to do that does not automatically make you a person that’s nice to get along with? why are there such socially-impaired people in the world?

i suspect if you read this you’d be thick-skinned enough not to realise it was you and tell me online to ‘just block him if you’re so irritated with him’ and then i shall promptly shock you by going offline. but you know. as i tried blocking for the past 9 months or so, you still persist in talking to me like we never stopped at all. and it’s not like we even started. omg just take a hint and go away. argh.

well other than that i’ve just been bumming watching dvds and generally ignoring s econs. my mum is an eagles convert after watching hell freezes over. and she thinks freddie mercury’s voice is damn good after watching live aid! ahahaha. my mum is Cool. also just realised that the guy who sings at fish&co glasshouse is really irritating, and when we commented the guitar sounded better than the singing, we realised it was only because it was different people. and he completely ruined three of my favourite songs. eek!

think i saw WL/TJ with his gf (?) today at zara while i was shopping by myself. wanted to say hi to him but i wasn’t sure if it was, since he seems suddenly to have an alarming lack of hair. in any case it’s weird how life brings people together for awhile and suddenly they just drift away like they never knew you at all. wonder if he still reads this, hm.

i’ve alot of thoughts drifting around in my head. and looking through past september entries (this is a particularly sensitive time of year) i’ve realised that i’ve been subterfuging alot of things (i realise that’s the wrong usage but i don’t care); that things originally written for other people could always have been mistaken to be written for the same person and hence i sound alot more like a whiny lovesick idiot than is actually the case. which is not to say that i wasn’t but embarrassing stages of life shall be glossed over. in any case sometimes i wonder if i deliberately wrote it that way so that people would mistake it. you know what they say about people looking one way so they don’t look the other.

btw can someone tell me if the second triwizard tournament occurs when HP is in his 6th or 7th year? did it happen without me knowing? or did JKR just conveniently forget?

if you’re bored when you’re alone it’s your own fault

Seven things you plan to do before you die:
1 work in an international organisation
2 write something i’m proud of
3 not be sad at funerals
4 run a marathon
5 visit all the places i love so much with the person i love
6 find someone who loves me
7 learn how to cook properly

Seven things I could do:
1 not give up
2 take it easy
3 stop snapping at people
4 start writing properly again
5 talk more to my grandmother
6 actually remember to do nice things for people
7 exercise

Seven celebrity crushes:
in no order
1
2
3
4
5
6
7 i can’t think of anymore (and i am quite aware my tastes do not conform to usual standards, but i don’t care)

Seven often-repeated words:
1 wtf
2 lose
3 win
4 what the hell
5 rubbish
6 six million
7 buzhidao

Seven physical traits I look for in the opposite sex:
1 i’d say height, but precedents have shown this doesn’t really matter much– must be taller though
2 nice eyes; very impt. double eyelids best! haha
3 um, not scruffy looking, ie does not look like he is in need of a bath all the time
4 quite broad shoulders
5 nice hands
6 um. at least passable-looking? this sounds typically shallow but since this asks for physical traits i shall state the truth; don’t say it doesn’t matter to you too
7 oh yes decent dress sense pls ie don’t wear singlets if you know your arms cannot make it; i’m a sucker for ppl in blue jeans and long sleeved collared shirts rolled up to the elbow if you’re tall and/or broad shouldered enough– some people would know this lol

i’m going to sleep now.

i am beyond tired. waking up at 4am this morning to study s history (in retrospect) proved to be a very wise decision indeed, even though at that time of the morning i was cursing the existence of von ranke in the first place. oddly enough i didn’t even have to use him in my essays, just ended up quoting elton and dissing carr and talking about how edmund backhouse was an idiot and All That. i find it highly ironic that these might have been the two best history essays i have ever written throughout these exams and yet they are for the paper that matters the least. life is making a joke out of me.

in other news post-exam fun was (quite rightly) beyond fun. after bumming around orchard for a few hours walking randomly and eating stuff as we went along we ended up at the toy section and just ogled at lego stuff for at least half an hour reminiscing about our childhoods. after which much rubberband shooting occurred at IL’s house, which became really fun despite my initial reluctance to join the game. dinner at fish&co ensued during which i ate everything on my plate (due to lack of good food throughout this period, that is if you don’t count the chocolate) and HY commented that i look like a zombie. (i do feel like one right now.) despite that i headed back to kino and stayed there till closing time, which was a new experience because i’ve never actually seen the lights go down while i was reading before. last time i was ever at kino that late was a few years back attempting to speed-read the melancholy death of oyster boy with J. hovering over my shoulder attempting to flip the pages for me– which reminds me that corpse bride will be out soon! some say it feels like tim burton is ripping off his own movie (i.e. nightmare before christmas, which i watched when i was six and cried because i was too scared of skeletal figures, yes i’m a wuss go on laugh) but well. i guess i’ll attempt to watch it anyway!

going out with JX tomorrow! i lovelove post-exam. i guess this makes up for the lack of action tonight with the 3 remaining sec4 ppl (lol) who’re out right now. i’m not really motivated to study for s econs right now. but i guess if you wanna last it out you might as well do it till the end. OH YEAH KEEP TELLING MYSELF THAT!

the current earworm that’s been lasting for the better part of this week is the entire hotel california guitar solo, which has gotten really irritating because i’ve realised that i can practically memorise every note that comes out and who plays what. which is both disturbing and annoying since i can’t stop humming it during exam papers and it’s like !!!!!! when you can’t concentrate on writing essays while having a great solo stuck in your head! argh! hands up please, who can play it! besides J., of course, whom everybody knows can play just about anything around given a bit of time, hmmmm. am still on a quest to get my hands on that live aid dvd on saturday and then i shall plonk myself down to a marathon starring pink floyd, led zeppelin, u2, dire straits and assorted others in their full 1985 poofy haired glory! oh yes. clearly it’s not an issue that i still have s history tomorrow or s econs on tuesday. hoho.

today marks the start of a week of birthdays of people i “know”. i say that in quotations because i don’t even talk to half of them on a regular basis anymore. in fact, with the exception of one, i don’t talk to them at all, and even for that one it’s stretching it a little far. i think it says something about how many people we used to be close to that just kind of slowly drift away over the years.

in the midst of studying plath, (this has no relation) i’ve never before realised how amazed i am at some people’s capacity to love. most of the time i watch it in movies and cry like hell when someone dies and the other is heartbroken, but it’s different when you’ve never seen it before in real life. i still haven’t. nobody i know’s had that epic, life-changing kind of thing, and sometimes i cynically wonder if it ever will exist. did you know being cynical is also a cliche nowadays? it gets tiring, being afraid of love. there are still people who can’t say i love you and mean it though, i’m one of them. and i still can’t wrap my head around the hit-and-miss aspect of marriage. how do you know? i want to know, but i’m quite aware i never actually will. i guess this means something. hm.

hm i had a few revelations the other day when i was typically feeling all mopey and sad after watching a terribly tragic korean movie about two young people and alzheimer’s disease and slowly watching the person you love forget you completely; i tried to call up that same kind of feeling but i couldn’t do it anymore. it just can’t come back. and i’m glad, because i’m happy this way.

350 pink floyd!

money, get away, get a good job with good pay and you’re okay
money, it’s a gas, grab that cash with both hands and make a stash
new car, caviar, four star daydream, think i’ll buy me a football team

money, get back, i’m all right jack keep your hands off of my stack
money, it’s a hit, don’t give me that do-goody good bullshit
i’m in the high fidelity first class travelling set and i think i need a lear jet

money, it’s a crime, share it fairly but don’t take a slice of my pie
money, so they say, is the root of all evil today
but if you ask for a raise it’s no surprise they’re giving none away

i was in the right! yes, absolutely in the right!
i certainly was in the right! you were definitely in the right.
the geezer was cruising for a bruising, yeah!
why does anyone do anything, i don’t know, i was really drunk at the time
i was just telling him, he couldn’t get into number 2
he was asking why he wasn’t coming up freely, after i was yelling and screaming
telling him why he wasn’t coming up on freely
it was a heavy blow, but we sorted the matter out

money, it’s a crime, share it fairly but don’t take a slice of my pie
money, so they say, is the root of all evil today
but if you ask for a raise it’s no surprise they’re giving none away

recognise yourself?

remember when we used to dream about the past? remember when we promised each other we’d take a random train to nowhere, trying to see where life took us? i remember when i walked down the slope you would always be there and i’d want to cry when you walked past smiling because it was just so hard. i remember when we went to pasir ris park and i’d always cheat on the maze and pretend i won. i remember going there and limping back to YM’s house with a horrific blister. i remember meeting you there and not knowing it was you till six years later when we both grew up. i remember when i first saw you in a bright blue shirt six years ago and you were as dark as you were now and some things have never changed much. i remember when we went tanning at sentosa, lying on the sand pretending exams weren’t a month away; i got sunburnt and a horrible tan line. i remember when i used to think people who stayed up till midnight were strange. i remember when we used to cook two packets of maggi mee (that must always be curry-flavoured, you wouldn’t eat anything else) in a green-enameled pan, picking our noodles away with chopsticks at 2 in the morning while we had the strangest conversations. i remember when our dinner table used to be round and we actually ate there every night, four people around an 8-seater that was never fully filled except during chinese new year. i remember when our tv first came and i thought the english subtitles on channel 8 were unusually big. i remember when those funny sandwich makers were all the rage and the bread would close in on ham and cheese and you’d give them to me with fruit juice. i remember when i used to put ketchup and condensed milk on my bread. i remember when i filled two whole notebooks with things i thought about you; two years’ worth of thoughts. i remember wanting to hug you and never let you leave as you disappeared through the immigration gantry. i remember praying fervently every night for a brother or a sister, naive enough to think that if i let god choose which gender it would be, god would let me have a sibling. i remember watching a tv serial and turning to you asking, but that’d never happen to you right, and you smiled painfully and you turned away. i remember when i felt like you would never come back and leave me here alone. i remember wishing you’d grow taller so i could have a crush on you. i remember meeting you on napster and our first conversation was about chilli crabs. i remember thinking you had great eyes at an IRS exhibition at CHS. i remember when we ran through the canteen during chinese new year and you ripped your cheongsam because we ran too fast. i remember when chinese was my best subject in school. i remember when golden harvest movies used to play at 10pm on sundays on channel 8 and you’d never let me watch them because i’d have school tomorrow. i remember when you pushed me down the slide and shouted cowabunga as you hurtled after me. i remember when you called me crying because your parents were going to force you to quit softball. i remember when we walked barefoot around city hall waiting for a wedding to start. i remember when we drew nine circles on the blackboard and passed them off as nazgul. i remember sitting in the classroom, arguing with you, as if the world would change as we came to our conclusions. i remember walking with you around the RI track and lying on the ground laughing like crazy and trying not to get hit by stupid rugby balls. i remember when you first told me about yourself on the bus. i remember staying over at your house and not being able to sleep because there were so many things on my mind. i remember when she rushed after you into the toilet after you took her knife. i remember when i actually knew which buses went to delta house. i remember when i felt uncomfortable because you were never here and then you were always here. i remember talking to you till 7am over the phone. i remember staying over because i didn’t want to go home and we watched a b-grade horror film trying not to think about whatever had just happened at that time. i remember wondering how we ever became best friends, since i really don’t remember. i remember sitting alone with you in a classroom in block E doodling on notebooks filling it up with names we’d like to name our kid and random people’s chinese names, and the class of the guy we were having a current crush on. i remember sitting outside the steps of the council room talking to you at the start of the year. i remember when you sat on the railing and told me you wanted to kill yourself and i thought you were kidding. i remember when i got chased out of a female toilet. i remember when i saw you and thought to myself, what if you fell in love with me? i remember when i faced disappointment after disappointment, measuring my life by a piece of paper and the numbers that were on it. i remember calling you to ask you how to turn on my own stove.

recognise yourself

remember when we used to dream about the past? remember when we promised each other we’d take a random train to nowhere, trying to see where life took us? i remember when i walked down the slope you would always be there and i’d want to cry when you walked past smiling because it was just so hard. i remember when we went to pasir ris park and i’d always cheat on the maze and pretend i won. i remember going there and limping back to YM’s house with a horrific blister. i remember meeting you there and not knowing it was you till six years later when we both grew up. i remember when i first saw you in a bright blue shirt six years ago and you were as dark as you were now and some things have never changed much. i remember when we went tanning at sentosa, lying on the sand pretending exams weren’t a month away; i got sunburnt and a horrible tan line. i remember when i used to think people who stayed up till midnight were strange. i remember when we used to cook two packets of maggi mee (that must always be curry-flavoured, you wouldn’t eat anything else) in a green-enameled pan, picking our noodles away with chopsticks at 2 in the morning while we had the strangest conversations. i remember when our dinner table used to be round and we actually ate there every night, four people around an 8-seater that was never fully filled except during chinese new year. i remember when our tv first came and i thought the english subtitles on channel 8 were unusually big. i remember when those funny sandwich makers were all the rage and the bread would close in on ham and cheese and you’d give them to me with fruit juice. i remember when i used to put ketchup and condensed milk on my bread. i remember when i filled two whole notebooks with things i thought about you; two years’ worth of thoughts. i remember wanting to hug you and never let you leave as you disappeared through the immigration gantry. i remember praying fervently every night for a brother or a sister, naive enough to think that if i let god choose which gender it would be, god would let me have a sibling. i remember watching a tv serial and turning to you asking, but that’d never happen to you right, and you smiled painfully and you turned away. i remember when i felt like you would never come back and leave me here alone. i remember wishing you’d grow taller so i could have a crush on you. i remember meeting you on napster and our first conversation was about chilli crabs. i remember thinking you had great eyes at an IRS exhibition at CHS. i remember when we ran through the canteen during chinese new year and you ripped your cheongsam because we ran too fast. i remember when chinese was my best subject in school. i remember when golden harvest movies used to play at 10pm on sundays on channel 8 and you’d never let me watch them because i’d have school tomorrow. i remember when you pushed me down the slide and shouted cowabunga as you hurtled after me. i remember when you called me crying because your parents were going to force you to quit softball. i remember when we walked barefoot around city hall waiting for a wedding to start. i remember when we drew nine circles on the blackboard and passed them off as nazgul. i remember sitting in the classroom, arguing with you, as if the world would change as we came to our conclusions. i remember walking with you around the RI track and lying on the ground laughing like crazy and trying not to get hit by stupid rugby balls. i remember when you first told me about yourself on the bus. i remember staying over at your house and not being able to sleep because there were so many things on my mind. i remember when she rushed after you into the toilet after you took her knife. i remember when i actually knew which buses went to delta house. i remember when i felt uncomfortable because you were never here and then you were always here. i remember talking to you till 7am over the phone. i remember staying over because i didn’t want to go home and we watched a b-grade horror film trying not to think about whatever had just happened at that time. i remember wondering how we ever became best friends, since i really don’t remember. i remember sitting alone with you in a classroom in block E doodling on notebooks filling it up with names we’d like to name our kid and random people’s chinese names, and the class of the guy we were having a current crush on. i remember sitting outside the steps of the council room talking to you at the start of the year. i remember when you sat on the railing and told me you wanted to kill yourself and i thought you were kidding. i remember when i got chased out of a female toilet. i remember when i saw you and thought to myself, what if you fell in love with me? i remember when i faced disappointment after disappointment, measuring my life by a piece of paper and the numbers that were on it. i remember calling you to ask you how to turn on my own stove.

ok i really need a goodbye lenin dvd NOW

let me break it down till i force the issue
we miss your face and you know i wish you
would come back down the dalva bar
you tell them, that’s just my battle scar
i want to kiss you
and knock them down like we used to
you’re the marigold
till you’re walking down shaking that ass again baby
WALK ON BABY WALK ON!

ok this is how it goes. in the past week there’s been

1 an econs essay paper i didn’t finish
2 a math paper i got half the answers wrong for
3 a history paper of which i screwed two essays up cos i didn’t give egs and i wrote wrong time period
4 a vaguely pwnable lit paper
5 A TRAUMATISING DRQ AND CASE STUDY PAPER WHICH I JUST COMPLETELY FUCKED OVER!!!1

hah. anyway i watched goodbye lenin yesterday on channel56 lying on my bed incapacitated by a 38.5deg fever thinking it was dengue so half the fault of that drq/case study paper being screwed up can be attributed not only to mr B deciding to be a horrible person but also because i didn’t do anything yesterday but anyway goodbye lenin is really good and i really love the guy who acts in it though i have no idea what his name is but he’s really good and he actually looks rather cute and omg omg fall of the berlin wall arghhhh enough fangirling pls i always wonder why i never get to live through anything momentous though you could probably count sept 11 and the whole iraq shit vaguely momentous but it’s just like why is there no more historic event that seems vaguely optimistic i think i kind of resent being three years old when the berlin wall fell which is really rather weird come to think about it.

and hah i’m so indie i don’t need punctuation =D
i need some good food and shopping and alot alot of nice things to happen to me right now .. and i really should stop eating chocolate i’m breaking out like hell :(

it’s halfway through and i’d really like to run this last round for you. but sometimes i think to myself whether it’s worth it or not and i concluded that even if i did do it i wouldn’t have thought about you in the process. it’s amazing since you’ve been such a part of my life, and you’ve always been there, but deep down somewhere i think you have to admit we never really had anything going at all. isn’t it weird how i don’t reply to your smses anymore? i sort of miss you and yet i don’t.

obligatory sept 11 entry of Doom

in slightly more than 8 hours, doom will descend!!!11!!1

i’m scared. really i’m scared shitless. i’ve never been so scared in my life. i don’t even know why i care. at this point in time i’m all like, fuck scholarships i’ll just study in singapore– and then i remember that grand plan to Go Overseas and Pwn Everyone, not excluding all those who have similar Great Plans and how pathetic and lonely i will feel being left behind while everybody else goes off far and away to have loads of fun. me Sad and Friendless is a Terrifying and Real prospect.

i want to take a year off!! sigh.
prelims are shitty. my econs is still screwed.
but i’ve finished wages! hope i remember.

for the last year or so, i’ve been searching for my metal ruler only to look in my pencilcase today and find it buried under the pens. considering there are only 5 pens, 2 markers, 2 pencils, a highlighter and one liquidpaper (i still don’t get why it’s called liquid paper) — it’s really kind of hard to miss. and i did it! MISSED THE OBVIOUS! this is an Omen. i hope i won’t be terribly careless tomorrow. i will die if i lose 20 marks due to dumping a minus sign where i shouldn’t (it’s happened before!, i cheerfully inform you). eeeek.

after a rambly and pointless entry feeling sorry for myself (again) and trying to write it all away, i shall now retreat to my bed where i shall try to sleep. and wake up tomorrow in time for the Great CHS Assembly, and find my uniform in the mess that is my cupboard. such feats are required even before the exam starts! must remember to bring a watch.

ok it’s 2 days to prelims and my memory is already all fuzzy and i’m pretty sure i can’t remember a thing. the first week of exams is hell but then the next week isn’t too bad. but that’s only just because econs will be done before everything else. and that’s really rather bad because as of now i still haven’t finished wages OR touched exchange rate. that’s right, you got it. i predict my whole essay paper is going to be a whole mess of blank, because right now i can’t remember anything at all. and i thought last year’s preparation was bad. the thing about starting early and going slow is that by the time you finish studying, you can’t remember what you did at the start. and everytime i walk i feel like there are little bits of information leaking out of my brain and plopping onto the floor. like birdshit. omg. you know how sometimes praying and hoping everything works out just doesn’t cut it at all. in any case i finally finished RR (so that’s one topic i can at least remember …) and hmm. RUSSIANS ARE DUMB. god i think i’m just more scared for econs than anything else. also because i know my actual grade is going to fall far short of my predicted one. this is the kind of exam i study hardest for and know i’m going to fuck up the worst. i so rule.

isn’t it horrible to see a whole week without posts from me and when i’m back i come up with this whiny rubbish? i think i’ve been feeling sorry for myself the whole year. i promise i’ll stop, soon enough, but i think everyone’s allowed to feel like a wretch and groan about the state of the unfair world for the duration of the exams.

and is it just me or does the phrase “redolent of soil” sound really uppity and english?

dear americans i hope you realise that THE SHRUB is going to be needing an impeachment trial way more than clinton, whose one affair is INCONSEQUENTIAL compared to this. talk about not fulfilling presidential duties! ARGH! I AM ENRAGED.

how is it possible to entirely forget the existence of russia till 5 days before the prelims?! ARGHHH

i’m supposed to go to school to study today, but i can’t find it in me to get out of the house. my eyes can’t open and my joints ache. plus, the weather’s been a nightmare and i got caught in the rain last night. life has a funny way of sneaking up on you

[edit] 5.25pm
THIS IS FUNNY.

taken off a current discussion in YR, which i’ve been following rather closely. this deals with the hypothetical situation that katrina could occur in singapore, and what people would do. the title was about as far as i was interested in the actual topic and was not actually sekritly laughing at the pwning-ass that was going on. only because i know the guy (both of them actually, pwnee and pwner), and i think he is annoying too insofar as he is nice, but he fancies you his friend after a single conversation and MSNs you constantly thereafter. some people should shut up or just be attacked.

3- In the event of an emergency, it might then seem on hindsight not so wasteful, “fascist” and illiberal to be able to mobilise thousands of national slaves and reservists to keep order and distribute supplies in the streets.

You fool of course it would make sense to mobilise slaves since national slavery already exists and it is a SUNK COST. If they would not mobilised, they would merely be engaged in cleaning their tanks or some other such asinine activity.

Just because you have already spent a lot of money on conscripts and
reservists doesn’t mean that when an emergency happens, it would definitely
make sense to mobilise them. If collectively, they are worse than useless,
then we should not send these people in at all. Or have you, oh genius of
Economics, conveniently ignored the fallacy of sunk costs in order to make
an attack on conscription?

Oh (name removed to protect privacy, HURHUR), your hissy fits are so witty and funny! I could die laughing! ‘Oh genius of Economics’! Haha! That was double-edge with irony because you know, I am actually not too bad at econs, and your bitingly sarcastic ‘I’m also good at econs I mean look I took S econs too! Whoopee! I’m so clever clever!!! You bloody asshole how dare you call me stupid!!’ nonsense is really annoying because, you oh-genius-of-economics-name-caller,there is NO SUCH THING AS A FALLACY OF SUNK COST in this case.

‘The sunk cost fallacy is also sometimes known as the “Concorde Effect”, referring to the fact that the British and French government continued to fund the joint development of Concorde even after it became apparent that there was no longer an economic case for the aircraft. The project was regarded privately by the British government as a “commercial disaster” which should never have been started, and was almost cancelled, but political and legal issues ultimately made it impossible for either government to pull out.’ – Wikipedia (because Wikis say things better than I do and after all three heads are better than mine)

So, er, WHAT IS YOUR ARGUMENT!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! is NS good or bad? Is conscription like the Concorde effect?!??! Do you even know what the fallacy of sunk cost is? Are you trying to say ‘NS is a waste of time money effort etc, but due to the sunk cost fallacy the Sg govt keeps supporting it and therefore perpetuates this wastefulness’? Because if so it is you, oh non-genius-of-economics, oh nadir of thought, wit and conversationality, who have NOT ignored the SUNK COST FALLACY and made an argument AGAINST CONSCRIPTION!!!! Which is actually logical, BUT undermines your (or at least what seems to be your) point!!! Which means that you make no sense. But oh haha!!! You win, you’re going to study law in Oxford!

Because a hypothetical emergency on the scale of Katrina would require many more people than what was needed in Meulaboh, and because of your own
concession that should anything happen, conscripts and reservists could
actually do some good. Indeed among the main complaints in the Katrina
disaster are questions pertaining to why more National Guard units had not
been mobilised.

Yeah, so your point is? We should have conscription for the unlikely event that we’re hit by a tsunami/cyclone/earthquake/attack by EVIL MUSLIM NATIONS in the region? In which case we’d probably mostly deploy regulars instead? Huh? I’m not getting something here. Sorry but maybe Oxonian-legal-thinker-type thinking is too deep for me. I am after all only a genius of economics.

Because emergencies are time sensitive, and our peculiar circumstances
would make it easier for us to deliver a rapid response, and less likely
that a New Orleans Katrina situation will happen.

Because as many people in here can attest to, even an idiot can drive
trucks, deliver intravenous fluid, set up tents, count supplies etc after a
couple of months of training.

Because we assume that in the event of a LOCAL natural disaster, people
would take efforts to help their friends and family more seriously.

A full fledged Regular force may do a better job, but having many half
baked conscripts/reservists isn’t too bad a solution to (name removed to protect the innocent)’s scenario
either, and is surely better than having merely an ad-hoc system of
volunteers only when the emergency has come.

Volunteers want to be there for some reason or another. Therefore the incentives are different. You obviously haven’t thought this through and merely have reverted to the ‘look at meeeeeeee I joined YOUNG PAP!!!! and will become an NMP!!!!!!!!!!!!’ school of thought apologist-type argument which makes no sense (what else is new, ugh) and frankly isn’t very liberal but nope you win!!! YOU ARE A LIBERAL! THROUGH AND THROUGH A LIBERAL!!! YOU’RE SO LIBERAL YOU’RE NEARLY ANARCHIST!!!! YOU ARE A LEFT WING GODDESS OF LIBERAL-NESS AND LIBERATION AND LIBERALITY AND EVERYTHING KIND AND GOOD AND LIBERAL AND LIBERAL AND LIBERAL!!!!!!!

[edit] i should really stop eating so unhealthily. i went to aunty V.’s clinic for orthodontic checkup and she told me “i never thought it was possible for you to put on weight… but things must change sooner or later!” I WAS HORRIFIED. especially since after that i zoomed straight off to have lunch at cartel with HY, where i finished off an entire plate of ribs. omg i want to die. i should stop eating but i just can’t stop cooking! i’ve been cooking and eating record amounts of pasta this month, and i’ve developed this affinity for ochazuke. omg it’s like my late night snack–high-carb, anyone?! omg. at least this is big tshirt and shorts season so people don’t see my horrizible tummy haha. i have no self-discipline.
[/edit]

okay. it’s been 6 days. it’s time to say something.

There was a young girl who gave birth to twins under the overpass yesterday. Because of the conditions, of not even the basics, she lost them both. She may die soon too from stress and lack of basic needs like food, water, shelter.

New Orleans has offered so many cultural influences to the world – jazz, blues, Mardi Gras, Voodoo Fest, Jazz Fest, but that is overlooked. Did you even know that the state of Louisiana provides 25% of the US’s oil?

New Orleans citizens are NOT violent looters. They are 2005 third world refugees in a first class America. Over 70% are black and they have shown us that we have never and will never be true citizens of a nation we helped to build. Even to our death as it inhumanly plays out for the world to see.

They are sending in thousands of troops to maintain a no tolerance for the looting. Ask yourself this, will each officer have a water bottle and sandwich for a possible refugee? But there is no doubt they will have a bullet if we get out of line. Ya feel me?

i am horrified and upset by the events that have been playing across america this past week. to alot of people hurricane katrina doesn’t mean anything. for a long while i never knew what was going on, but it’s amazing what information you can get from reading an entertainment-based journal. it’s not entertainment, but it sure as hell is horror. 80% of new orleans is submerged, and the risk of contaminated water is very, very high. alot of people are panicking, thousands have perished, and instead of general aid being rushed on-site, hordes of reporters have been trying to get through with their newstrucks and shoving their cameras in the faces of disaster-stricken victims. so i have a lot of questions to ask.

how does the government figure in all this? why was george bush still on vacation two days after the hurricane came? how many people died while he was on holiday? more importantly, what would he have done even if he came back two days earlier? why is there no official aid shelter in new orleans itself? why are black families “looting” and white families “looking for food”, when it’s obvious that the same basic human needs must be met? and why, from highly politically naive me, is race and economics always linked in america (and everywhere else)?

citizens are frustrated and disappointed that the military who could be helping out in domestic disasters are off fighting a war for no apparent reason. let’s just hope that america will start worrying about themselves instead of trying to fix everyone else’s problems. are negotiations still on for iraq’s new constitution? i’m kind of confused actually. i mean that i don’t know what actually could be done, or what really is being done, but you know, it’s just disturbing as hell. please help! donate some money. send over some clothes. go check up on the red cross. or you know, just pray.

340 eulogy: love is not a modulus sign

how will you measure love when it comes to town? you might like to weigh it up with coffee spoons, drinking each mouthful like water, like medicine, a spoonful of sugar. you might like to sit in a corner and mark the daylight that streams in through the window, mark how the sun moves across his face, his eyes. love is not a victory march. you cannot measure it by the number of flags won, you cannot measure it by the number of hearts lost. it cannot be measured by the decibels of sound, the number of chess moves made, the number of times peace has been made. love is not a war. it cannot be fought or won or lost. love is not a science experiment: there can be no trial runs and its hypotheses can never be tested. love is not a graph you can extrapolate forever from. love is not a maths question. there are neither correct nor wrong answers and it cannot be solved in three steps. there is no way to prove it and you cannot verify that one person will always satisfy the equation. there is no equation when 1 + 1 never equals 2.

but love is a great mathematician. love marks the area of a boy walking down clarke quay with you; the volume of his love is the amount of space he takes up. love is in the length of his fingers and the number of seconds his eyes take to trail down your legs. love knows the number of heartbeats you take when he walks past, love watches as your brain slows down and the rest of you goes into overdrive. love alone knows the length of the shadow he casts on your face while you sleep, love sees the width of that chasm that separates you from him. love remembers the number of steps you take away from him, and love knows that when one person is between two others, the hypotenuse of the triangle must always be √2 and hence an impossibility. love knows that the shortest distance from one person to another is not always a straight line, and that some people walk in circles only to find they have never moved from the same spot. and love knows that if you try to differentiate one from the other — there is no way you can integrate them back.

eulogy: love is not a modulus sign

for bernard and junsheng

how will you measure love when it comes to town? you might like to weigh it up with coffee spoons, drinking each mouthful like water, like medicine, a spoonful of sugar. you might like to sit in a corner and mark the daylight that streams in through the window, mark how the sun moves across his face, his eyes. love is not a victory march. you cannot measure it by the number of flags won, you cannot measure it by the number of hearts lost. it cannot be measured by the decibels of sound, the number of chess moves made, the number of times peace has been made. love is not a war. it cannot be fought or won or lost. love is not a science experiment: there can be no trial runs and its hypotheses can never be tested. love is not a graph you can extrapolate forever from. love is not a maths question. there are neither correct nor wrong answers and it cannot be solved in three steps. there is no way to prove it and you cannot verify that one person will always satisfy the equation. there is no equation when 1 + 1 never equals 2.

but love is a great mathematician. love marks the area of a boy walking down clarke quay with you; the volume of his love is the amount of space he takes up. love is in the length of his fingers and the number of seconds his eyes take to trail down your legs. love knows the number of heartbeats you take when he walks past, love watches as your brain slows down and the rest of you goes into overdrive. love alone knows the length of the shadow he casts on your face while you sleep, love sees the width of that chasm that separates you from him. love remembers the number of steps you take away from him, and love knows that when one person is between two others, the hypotenuse of the triangle must always be √2 and hence an impossibility. love knows that the shortest distance from one person to another is not always a straight line, and that some people walk in circles only to find they have never moved from the same spot. and love knows that if you try to differentiate one from the other — there is no way you can integrate them back.