what the hell. i don’t really know where i stand on this, and all the terms of law just go over my head (bodes badly for my future career) but like some people said, this argument has gone way, way above the original intention of a particular blog entry to a completely different issue altogether. when i read XX’s blog i felt the way in which she expressed her opinions were abit off and yet there’s a shred of truth to it sometimes (i say this because i’m one of those guilty people who use the handicapped toilet too) but seriously in my entire life i’ve never actually seen a disabled person use the toilet before. is it just because my world view is terribly small or am i going blind when i say the number of handicapped people one actually sees in town (arguably where human traffic is the highest and hence the possibility of using handicapped toilets, both by the handicapped and the non-handicapped, are the highest) is disproportionately small compared to the rest of the non-handicapped population? not to say in general there is a non-existent handicapped population in singapore, but just that there are really very few handicapped people to be found in town.

in light of this, is it logical for a non-handicapped person to not use the handicapped toilet when he/she really needs to go? some people would argue that whether or not this is the case, handicapped toilets should be left open to those who really need it (and he, most of all, feels it is a “right, not a privilege”) but it still confounds me that a perfectly functional toilet is left vacant when there is (and here i make my qualifications) 1) a very long queue 2) a vacant cubicle, and most importantly in conjunction with 1) and 2), 3) the fact that there is no handicapped person in sight.

that being said, i’m sure if a handicapped person were in the queue, others would make way for him/her to use the handicapped cubicle– but that doesn’t seem to be the main point of contention at all, even though this point was raised by both sides of the fence repeatedly, they don’t seem to acknowledge agreement on this one point. and the fact remains that while a handicap is, well, a handicap, one shouldn’t exploit the handicap in order to cut queues to use the toilet; and by logical extension they too must wait in line to use the toilet just like everybody else, regardless of whether the handicapped toilet should be solely for their use. some people say that different people have different handicaps and so what happens to those with bowel problems, who should take first priority?

in which case, you, knowing your own disability best, should take responsibility for exercising discretion when it comes to such matters; ie if you really need the toilet, just say so! no one will deny you the right to use a handicapped toilet if you are a handicapped person really needing to use the toilet, but if you’re wheelchair bound but have no real urgency to go to the toilet and have no serious bowel problems (or anything similar) then just kindly wait in line like everybody else! i mean, it’s not like it’s going to kill you to exercise some manners, instead of imperiously demanding to use the handicapped toilet just because you’re handicapped (when you don’t really need to rush) while 20 other normal people are waiting as well, some of them urgent, some of them not.

no one, i honestly hope, is horrible enough to deny handicapped users that cubicle if you make your request politely, unless there is someone already inside, in which case the onus should be on the person inside the toilet (whether handicapped or non-handicapped, after all it’s not like handicapped people have a lower chance of wetting the floor when they wash their hands or something, they have just as much opportunity to as everybody else) to take the responsibility to keep the place clean and dry enough for handicapped people (whether on wheelchairs or not) to use! and it goes without saying that if you’re not handicapped, just (omg) just don’t hog the toilet unnecessarily, like XX’s example of using it for vanity purposes (i mean what the hell, really).

in fact i get damn pissed with people who hog the normal toilets already, i seriously don’t know what the hell they’re doing in there; it doesn’t really matter if there’s no one in the toilet, but when there’s like 10-15 people outside waiting for you to open the door it just gets a bit annoying. ultimately it involves a bit of give and take on both sides, and both handicapped and non-handicapped must exercise discretion and take responsibility.

that being said, unfortunately all this goes beyond mere intellectual debate and even campaigning of rights and instead to public education instead. i think people in general should just be more tolerant. arghhhh i can’t believe people are getting all worked up over this! why the need to resort to personal attacks and calling people stupid and whatever?! you’d think adults’d behave in a more mature manner, but seriously man, what the hell! intellectual fine points make my brain hurt.

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okay man, seriously, why are there people searching for me on the internet?! how odd. this is a sign to further remove any traces of names from this place like ever again, since what shows up when you put in my full name is not actually my name but XY’s and SF’s from that lousy class soundtrack thing i did awhile back; and it’s not my fault i share the same chinese name with one and the same surname with the other! PLEH! i’ve had people searching for like nearly everyone i’ve been relatively close to in the past few years. how WEIRD. there’s been like BE, KF, chue, chew, JT (i get this particularly often.. coupled with guitar, softball, godknowswhat! someone out there is obsessed), IL, neek, BK (of course), and everyone rmbs when some psycho kept searching for “y**ge girl sex” plehhhh. ignorance is bliss! once in awhile you get amused by stuff like “table legs and chairs” … but really. meh. Obscurity, Please. i like to be obscure! not necessarily Anonymous. though i suspect that’d be Gratifying in a Voyeuristic kind of way. but never mind. Obscure and Arty and Away from the Commercialised, therainbowconnection syndicated type of blog, plz! (it helps that i’m not gay, perhaps.)

also the NJ maths paper is kind of disgusting (to L.: i finally got down to it, and it’s only been paper 1). how does anyone manage to score A for that kinda paper doing it in 3 hours?! maybe i just suck. :(

ECONSS!!! it’s like almost 1 week to As!!! ARGH :(:(:(

ETA: did i say simon armitage = genius? and mark doty! also i sort of like philip levine after i flipped open my notebook the other day and read a poem i copied out from RM’s book while in england a few months ago.. also bloodaxe books is great. i wanted to buy being alive for 9pounds when i was in london but now i’ve got it FREEE!!! FREE OF CHARGE!!! hahahah lovely. surprises in the mail!

i want to tell you that there is still hope, that it is not over, it has not even started. i want to tell you that there is still time, time for us to see the world and go around it twice over. i want to tell you that there is still love. i want to tell you that sitting in the same room and pretending not to see you is a silly game we play. i want to tell you that given a chance we might have been better friends. i want to tell you that, walking past your classroom with the music blasting from a cd player behind closed doors, that i saw you with your head bowed down furiously writing with that silly haircut of yours, with the hands i remember hammering nails into blocks of wood, competing with me to carry bricks. i want to tell you that i miss you and all the times we used to laugh. don’t get me wrong; i don’t like you or anything.

on a sidenote:
SJ! if you’re reading this! rmb our grand plan to go backpacking after As? when are you enlisting?! are you still up for it =D

ETA: eh, i just realised i have an unhealthy fascination with men who are not singaporean. …think i’ve been watching too many japanese tv serials heh. one of the things i’m going to do next time is like spend a year or two in japan working or something. and meet new people! and finally learn how to speak the language properly! i kind of miss tokyo alot. haven’t met anyone intriguing in awhile. and mugging in sch is really fun. hahaha!

this is beyond odd. it’s a little bit unnerving too! omg who’d have thought a eulogy for B and JS (and pls use the correct title if you wanna quote it man zzz how irritating ‘love and math’?! wth) would’ve gone round the internet. the wonders of internet tracking devices, heh. i bet it’s all B’s doing considering the number of people that read his blog everyday. aha! the more i read it the more i think it sounds like something i wrote when i was on crack (scientific analogies and all wtf so primo levi wannabe) arghhh how embarrassing.

also i dled bishonen (click to see review) and i watched it (UM obviously banned in sg along with happy together, but there you go, wonders of piracy); more eye candy. B will probably love this movie, despite (once again) a slightly shallow plot. but it works pretty well as a love story. and daniel wu & stephen fung are the few young hk actors i like. yay!

and by the way whoever the hell’s got my happy together PLS RETURN IT.

"for crowley it was a godse- bles- windfall"

i think there would be no one better than johnny depp to play crowley in good omens.

notice that i am scrupulously trying not to talk about work.

ETA: i watched moon child last night. hyde looks ridiculously small next to a 6-ft tall gackt, whose height i never noticed because he looks so much like a woman half the time. but i have to say he actually looks pretty yummy in a ponytail and a white trenchcoat, holding two guns in his hands, covered in blood. alot of violence, vague mentions of a vampire. the plot doesn’t quite hold, but there’s loads of eye candy (if you like wang lee hom too) and it’s not too bad considering gackt wrote the script (ie i didn’t expect much). channel u actually shows good movies once in awhile. i’ve been dying to watch this since i knew it was being made, which was like, err two years ago. whee!

hmm interview was okay la, she was nice & i didn’t screw up majorly

i just read PSF’s blog and find it rather sad that friends are polarised because of D and Z’s breakup. it’s like suddenly it’s not very politically correct to remain friends with your ex’s friends, or people that have been brought together because D and Z were together. isn’t it odd? especially when they’re both as emotionally unstable as they are. and it makes either person feel so alone when friends decide to take sides. it’s like reason #4573986 never to get attached again. ever

oh and L. thinks i’m mad but byakuya/renji yay (: i’m a sucker for this kinda loudmouth vs nv-say-anything kinda pairings. like rukawa/hanamichi (ohoho SO LONG AGO) but i like renji alot more than hanamichi … maybe it’s cos renji does cool things with a sword! not to mention the fact that disappointingly after reading hp fanfic for so damn long, alot of other fandoms don’t seem up to par. like the characterisation is slightly off, the english is (sometimes) atrocious, or maybe it’s just the fact that it’s a japanese series and translating those nuances into english fic is just odd in the first place. it’s hard to imagine abarai renji going ‘yeah, i gotta run back’– so americanised! sigh.

is it not odd how two potentially life-changing situations can occur on the same date in different years? last year it was the eagles concert, this year it’s my oxford interview.

i am really tired after spending the whole day out studying today despite having headache-y pains. one hour of sleep does wonders; not to mention i got a haircut! and in between studying i walked out to TBS and bought papaya shower gel on a whim. and i also bought a black jacket for $49 for no reason at all (well okay i was really cold and it was raining, and unlike other females it takes me less than 2 minutes to decide whether i’m buying something or not, so it didn’t take as much time as you thought).

anyway oxford interview. zzzz. i’m rather scared actually. i know nuts about law, including why i want to do it, so what am i going to say? i’m going to be shown up for the total idiot that i am once i read the passage and attempt to formulate a coherent opinion that is supposed to impress the hell out of DKG but fails miserably. then i’ll smile nervously when i’m asked for my prelim results and go ‘err… what?” and Not-So-Subtly try to change the subject, which she will catch because oh, she’s a CRIMINAL LAWYER. i’m going to be caught full-on in a bloody, gory cross-examination. oh i know myself. i am being Defeatist. but whatever. i’ll just go in there and tell the truth and leave the rest to More Powerful and Qualified People (like God). will update in 14-15 hours and tell you how it went.

the neighbours from hell are back.

i can’t work when i’m feeling like this.

the morning after, 10.22am
hmm feelings of crappiness do not end. i’ve had a massive headache all night, which has gone down to a gently throbbing headache after consumption of two not very helpful panadols (that leave a horrible aftertaste whenever i swallow them.. is it just me or does that happen to everyone too?) though i can’t decide which was worse, the full-on works or just a slight annoyance that gets really annoying because it just won’t go away. i took a mcmuffin with my pills cos my mum forced me to eat before i died but now i just feel like i’m going to puke without, you know, anything actually coming out. i just wanna lie down on my bed and just die. at least the fever went down after a week so i think it’s not dengue. i hope, anyway. it’d be a pretty shitty time to get it considering if i get hospitalised, i’d come out just in time to have not enough time to study for a’s and get like crappy results or whatever. staring at notes on unemployment and inflation on my table make my head hurt more. i think i’ll just go back to sleep.

i need to haul myself out of the house to get to a nearby popular so i can get my hands on an a level econs textbook. rightnow! this is what happens when you decide to be cheapo the whole two years and save photocopying money on stealing other people’s college notes. HY was laughing at me yesterday when he asked me whether i knew that a straight line from the origin has a PES equal to 1 and i cleverly said i didn’t. he and i wonder how the hell i came to take s econs in the first place when i don’t even know the simplest of stuff.. then i don’t really remember being taught it at all. o_O

i must seriously figure out how to get an average on 8 lit essays higher than 37.3.
maybe i should just start lit a hell lot earlier than i always do (ie not the night before)!

useless speculations. my history’s in a mess.

stop now, you’re doing fine; you can’t be everything you want to be before your time– you know that when the truth is told, that you can get what you want or you can just get old; you gotta dream on– but don’t imagine they’ll all come true,

omg this period is making everyone go crazy. i can’t even count the number of times i’ve snapped at people or ignored them or just really wanted to tell them to go away. i just now officially hate people in general. why is everyone so annoying? at least now that JK went off to corpus christi i don’t have to contend with said annoyance, but why!! why don’t other people get the hint!! i’m so tired of refusing. i think i should just block everyone i don’t want to talk to in order to preserve my sanity and theirs. or just be like GL and block every single person on my list except for like, one or two. PLEHHHHHHHHHHhh. ok unless your name starts with H, I, J, K, L, M or N (hahaha shit, what the hell is this! alphabet soup!)– just don’t, ok. just don’t.

DJG is ending soon. it’s funny how you get affected by little things like these, as if somehow they work their way into your skin. W.’d agree with me that DJG gets to you somehow, even if you don’t really like it to begin with. i’m sort of reluctant to let someone like MZH go, and despite the fact that W (and my mother) proclaim the unrivalled beauty of LYA, the more i look at her the more ordinary she looks. alot of people are the kind that look good when your eyes sweep over them, and when you stare too long the charm runs away. how odd.

in between doing copious amounts of maths (MUST PWN THIS TIME) i’ve been downloading like a gazillion number of songs from the 1990s. i think the 90s are vastly underrated, and alot of nice songs have been overshadowed by the overused and over-iconic smells like teen spirit. it’s not a bad song, just overhyped i suppose. i still have trouble believing that 1998 is last century, or that when you think about it, it’s already been 7 years. it still seems all so recent, and i wonder how many people grew up listening to jean danker reading out dedications at 8pm every night; she probably listened to herself grow up too. i’ve never been able to fully grasp the idea of people changing, it seems too vast for me. i still marvel at how i’m able to ‘know’ some people for 12 years and not know them at all.

the past is never threatening once you’ve made your peace with it. bitter memories don’t surface if there’s nothing to be bitter about. once in awhile you can walk through the little dark lane and pretend you’re in love or unhappy or both but you can only indulge it till you walk out and see a streetlamp. so you and me babe, how about it? once in awhile it is possible to look back at what you thought was a tragedy and smile at how we’ve all come out stronger for it, it was painful, you were bitter, it’s part and parcel of growing up. how easy to brush it off as such. yet it’s true in the same way you belatedly realise you really should’ve listened to everything your mother told you. but people aren’t like that; they don’t want to be proved wrong by anyone but themselves. my mum always liked to give me that analogy about how someone with common sense would see a hole in front of them and avoid it; whereas i just jumped straight into it just to see if it really was one. i guess the only thing comforting about a hole is that at least you know somewhere it’s got to end. whee logic.

wah ucas is dying on me

we are not at war, we are having a nervous breakdown. –hunter s thompson

*
just received news of my interview from my email. DKG (name reduced to prevent googling, ohoho) is a law professor at M college which JT is applying to. she majors in criminal law and has a masters degree in philosophy. well i guess that means i lose. no i just couldn’t have gotten a geomorphologist instead. sigh.

lose!

i have just been clued in as to why everybody else seems to be receiving scholarship tea session notices and i haven’t; after i finally trudged over to hotmail and took a look at my junk folder. there it was! all of it was there! i missed a couple of good ones for nothing. i feel Cheated by the world wide web.

also i just landed myself with two Bs to my extreme dismay for one (74! AGAIN!) and am rather futilely hoping for an A tomorrow for history. consider the impossibility of that happening when i just about screwed over my entire SEA paper, and it is said only 8 people have sufficient intelligence to get past this horrible benchmark named Seventy-Two.

also BAH to SF who just about managed to top everything save maths. SIGH.