yesterday while we were at the beach (blissfully empty on a non-holiday wednesday afternoon) i thought about a lot of things, even while i was reading my anthony bourdain book, for the 348694867th time. the first was that some things are so unnecessary, but people strive hard to work at it anyway – like the new and random carpark they have just scratched out from what used to be a nice open space. on the beach. and second, is how much things can change in a few months. the last time i was at palawan beach station-mastering for beach bash, the playground and signage was used as a landmark to identify the offending spot. when we went back yesterday i looked around and wondered why things looked different but i just couldn’t put a finger on it. then i realised the playground and the signs were all gone, leaving only a bunch of trees and sand. if you were not there recently enough to remember, you would completely forget it was ever there.
a couple of other things happened yesterday.
my journal ran out a few weeks ago, but i didn’t get down to buying one for a long time. so i bought one yesterday because i was getting grumpier thinking about all the things i wanted to be writing down, then remembering that i have no more space and no new book to write on. the bf said he’d get me one for an anniversary present but i was going crazy and refused to wait that long. so. i have a brand new book to fill up for the next year. i realise that my journals are synonymous with certain periods in my life, and the last one documented the most turbulent changes. the university, the applications, adjusting, everything. it is nice to have that part of life filed away now, i guess.
oh and very gayly, i am now addicted to starbucks’ green tea latte. and last night i won my first ebay auction! managed to get a dress for $50 when it was originally $164. proud of self. and i don’t understand why the last 50 words of my assignment are so hard to cut. aarrggh. and my ‘W’ key is falling out.
it was mok’s 22nd, and we went to butter factory both for that, and pop/re/tart. which is free for all nus students if you flash your matric card, and the music is 45703468x better than mambo. so i realised that my style of dancing varies with the music, and yesterday was alot of flailing about and jumping (lots of jumping) like at a gig. and now i have aches in various weird places to prove it, like the middle of my back. strange.
part of the charm was eating hot bak kut teh at mohd sultan half-stoned and high at 4am when it started to pour.
if you are going to fall asleep on the wheel, you should not have driven at all.
also, if you are not in it, means you are not in it.
and your face will still look the same even after plastic surgery, i.e. fugly.
cheers to all who got high and wasted tonight though, it was one of the best nights out ever, barring a few things. but the music was smashing. who else mixes bon jovi with peter, bjorn and john? only poptart. aww yeah (:
oh man, eleanor grosch keds. so cute! need a pair of flats (that won’t disintegrate) NOW!
looked at my property assignment last night – not fun.
we went to hacienda last night after law iv! is a lovely place (i like dempsey alot) and prices are reasonable (especially before 9pm – cocktails for $10! pints for $8!) and i want to go back soon, during the day. preferably after school and ponning a lesson, just to make it all worthwhile. and randomly, i like stout. but the waiter was snarky, and i did not like that.
also, i am very impressed with law iv. it was everything i expected and more. the power of a good scriptwriter cannot be underestimated. and the music!!! with the band playing at the back, live for every song! the lyrics were also good, and not terribly cheesy. junbin found it draggy in some parts, but i thought it was pretty good. the set was lovely! acting from leads was not too bad, singing though a bit off (but then, if we could sing, we most definitely would not be in law school – maybe touring taiwan, or opening a cake shop somewhere) and waah. haven’t felt so good about a drama production in very long.
i think during our year we should write something that involves bad singing so everyone can laugh at it without thinking that we’d gone off tune. HEEHEE!
i want to set up drama club NOW!
am also thinking very seriously about getting a tattoo of the hours quote, or something from marquez. but i am a wimp, and it’ll probably hurt, and i am very apprehensive about getting permanent stuff all over me. :(
dinner with yanj last week along prinsep street, with lovely food and 3 main courses for 2 hungry girls – who was supposed to go mambo with me tonight but pangsehed to spend time with her boyfriend, whom she will see 24/7 on campus anyway -_- !!!!
because i love my school, and everything that comes with it.
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there are times when you believe some time together, and other times away, will help matters. while others live in their own dreamland, here another suffers. being caged in like a bird, dragged across the floor like a prisoner. images that keep flashing in your head, things that make you cry – only to haunt you later, in the worst places, in front of the person you cannot decide if you hate most. there may be worse things than scrambling to get into a room you are locked out of, only to find the door slam in your face. such lines are drawn everyday, walls built and torn down, some permanent. if we spell forever on our hearts today, who is to say it will not change tomorrow? and so we take one day as it is, biding our time, feeling alternately sorry and thankful, praying for the day separation never happens; that these walls, not having to be built, will never have to be torn down.
as trite as it sounds, some things will never change.
so let’s not blow it it up too big – it was not meant to be.
it is whatever it has always been, and will continue to be so.
so this is how the food trail went –
(1) nurul’s dad’s prata shop
(2) island creamery
(3) abortive trip to newton
(4) shopping in town for $250 zara jackets and overpriced prada wallets
(5) seafood at esplanade
(6) drinks at harry’s
as you can see, it did not go as well as planned. but fun nonetheless!! (and expensive.)
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madeleine l’engle is dead!!! :(
being friends is like saying i will be there for you whenever you need me. that i will always look out for you, and tell you the truth when it needs to be known. what it does not mean is an unequivocal intention to tell you everything, or nothing, or things you want or need to know. we live solely at one another’s discretion, and whatever we know about our lives is defined by the truths and half-truths that people tell us. these things, they are like lines. they are like balls of thread that bind us together in a huge web, that make us unable to go further or backward, trapped as we are by somebody else’s manipulations. our own manipulations. the way we manipulate others, tying our lies slowly but surely around their necks and ankles, pinning them there, strangling them, till they cannot move.
sometimes we change our minds. sometimes we try to untie those knots. those who see the light about the other people bind the truths they know to other people’s hearts. this is worse, knowing they cannot move, here or there, or anywhere. sometimes we put our hopes up only to find someone has taken them down. ripped them off the wall, and thrown them into the bin, or maybe burnt, or buried. we feel stifled, as if we have been choked. as if a ball of string, another lie, the unkindest of them all, has come, from the back. we feel these things. we will never know for sure. knowing too much about other people — it is never a good thing.
it’s hard not to be bitter, or upset, i suppose.
but it confirms what i thought about myself all along, and so i will be stronger than this.
things i am suddenly thinking about:
we seem to be far more spontaneous these days, than in last year. i don’t remember doing these things when i was a freshman, or maybe it really has been too long ago. or perhaps, the spontaneity is worth so much more these days.
i watched ratatouille with a bunch of secondary school friends recently, people i treasure alot. that day i remembered how nice it was to keep old friendships alive, and somehow they are always the best, and incomparable. on a whim i got asked to go mambo and off we went, but not before hanging about like delinquents outside california fitness mixing drinks (with cups stolen from cheers) and wondering very loudly if the glass at california fitness was one-way. and it was a very very slimy night. nevertheless all-girls mambos still seem the most fun.
over an msn conversation in CLT caitlin and i decided not to go to school the next day. so we talked, and shopped, and bought nothing. it was completely unproductive, but not more so than going to school that particular thursday anyway.
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