at the risk of sounding like an old fogey, i realise that times have changed, or maybe we just get older.
do teenagers these days get more money? (it seems strange at first to say it as if we were a totally different generation, which upon hindsight, is unfortunately the case) randomly blogsurfing at 3am in the middle of the night i realise that these days … people go everywhere. they celebrate everything. anniversaries, monthlyversaries (!?!), and for the more cynical, by weeks. celebrations that justify expensive dinners and maybe a pair of louboutins, the obligatory flowers. disappointments are quickly hidden if the day doesn’t live up to your expectations, because you can’t hurt someone else’s feelings on such a special day. back then, nobody went anywhere so special… now 18 year olds are going to il lido for their anniversaries, and not just spending on one measly plate of something. maybe standards are going up. or the people i know are getting richer. or something. but it makes me feel slightly uncomfortable… where does all the money come from?
strangely enough, aside from this year’s, i have never formally celebrated an anniversary before. nor do i remember even getting texted about the event. tempting as it might be to make the assumption, this is not because none of my relationships thus far have lasted past a year. and if you did think that, maybe you need to go away and rethink your priorities in life.
yes, i am bitter. i just watched two episodes of byakuyakou (白夜行) and i cannot bring myself to watch any further. everything about it scares me. and i am scared to admit that i am scared of watching it. if you lie once, you have to keep lying again and again to cover it up.
exams are coming and i am still stuck doing this stupid mock trial. i hate wasting time on it, but i want to win, even if it’s just a pass/fail subject. this bodes ill for my other subjects.
someone i knew died this morning. i have known her almost all my life, as has my mother, and my grandmother. she was my grandmother’s oldest friend, from the days when coming to singapore was an arduous journey on steamship and people still used rickshaws to get around five-foot ways. callous as it sounds, i can’t decide if i’m sad or not. it appears to be a tragic flaw in my character, filing all these things away. but unlike other things, death is certain, and it makes things easier to bear.
how different, to be old and treasure life, and to be young and reckless with it.