For the record, I think that there are no words to describe how sian one can feel when stumbling on someone else’s blog writing about Valentine’s Day with your beloved ex-boyfriend, even though you don’t feel anything for him anymore.
People are bitter, but not angry, but that doesn’t make it any less painful.
I don’t know why everyone seems to be getting on my case recently. The entire weekend (and today) my mother and grandmother have been making weird and insinuating comments and it is getting really, really difficult to not get pissed off. Obviously, my Lenten resolution (which is not to get pissed at my mother) is not working out as well as it should. Considering my mother’s own Lenten resolution is not to complain, I’m not even sure who failed more. This is a situation that deserves a huge GG.
I’ve been intending to start my Public Law assignment today but I just can’t get down to it, and all I did today was read two White Papers at McDonald’s, and even that took all of an hour. What is with me and inertia? Even more worrying is the fact that I will have to seriously start studying for exams again after this break is over, and then it’ll be a long and painful two months to the finish line again. Considering I do less and less work each first half of each semester, I don’t know how I’m going to pull off a miracle. Now I’m just biting my nails and hoping I don’t slide down to the bottom.
So. Ian celebrated his 21st on Saturday, and perhaps really for the last last last time ever, we will gather Ian’s house. Next door, Silver Tower has already been pulled down, and soon everyone will move out and there will be nothing left. While keeping to our Happy Hwachong Nucleus Wilson and I concluded that Ian’s place is really somewhere where everyone meets, and it has been so over so many years. That day someone asked Grace how she knew Ian, and to our surprise neither of us could remember the answer. It was strange; I don’t remember how I met all the guys I’ve known since secondary school. Was it a GEP thing? Or was it just that strange and inexplicable era of instant messaging where everyone was indiscriminate about adding random email addresses to their MSN?
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Today I thought about a lot of things. When we first started out, we met each other at the bookstore, and I was reading Gathering Blue, after a long and painful search. We then went on a trip for tea and then to search for the perfect present, before calling you up and finally settling on something. And then, as time went by, the conversations got stranger by the minute, always talking about things other than us, about our surroundings, our plans, and all of us talked about the wine, the food, the random people who were not there, the people in the room, the Japanese embassy. Each story was filled with vignettes and things to remember, as well as very forgettable things, which we only listened to because we were polite. And so on.
Then as the night died down and the people left, we went on a wild goose chase for an alcohol binge, which came lately in the night, though whether it was much appreciated or not went unanswered. There was alcohol, yes, though some of the pleasure was diminished, and there was good music, and for a few moments all of us were intoxicated and happy, and eager to dance and forget the world. Then we sat down on the plump sofa and realised that it was not our birthday we were celebrating, and as we looked down on the people dancing, I realised what an elaborate mating ritual it was, just like a poem you wrote about so long ago.
A few days ago there might have been a lunar eclipse. Only when we looked up into the sky, we saw no moon, and thought it was a normal thing. And so, both of us missed a momentous event, as we always have.
It’s 9.40 in the morning on a Sunday, a fact which is very surprising because I’m actually awake to record it. It reminds me of the time I woke up at 7+ on a Sunday morning to drive to Starbucks at Liat Towers to have breakfast by myself before (sadly) heading to school for a round of intensive studying. I don’t know what it is with me and Sundays, but I like them. Even more so when I don’t have to go to church. It might be the fact that I slept at 7pm last night though.
(1) I hate school.
(2) Valentine’s Day was nice.
(3) I’m addicted to Cartoon KAT-TUN!
I’ve always thought that having a Pensieve in real life was a good idea. To be able to look at your life again and see more than what you remembered. To stand behind the person you loved and look again, carefully. To look closely at their reactions, and realize that the mind always makes the world a better place, and its memories happier.
It was a spring story, and a long time ago.