Celine: I’m glad you’re saying that, because I’m never able to move on like this. People just have an affair, or even entire relationships, they break up and then they forget. They move on like they would have changed brands of cereals. I feel I was never able to forget anyone I’ve been with because each person had their own specific qualities. You can never replace anyone. What’s lost is lost. Each relationship, when it ends, really damages me. I never fully recover. That’s why I’m very careful with getting involved … because it hurts too much. Even getting laid … I don’t do that, because I will miss of the person the most mundane things. Like I’m obsessed with little things. I think it’s the same with people. I see in them little details, so specific to each of them, that move me, and that I miss, and that I will always miss. You can never replace anyone because everyone is made up of such beautiful, specific, details.
I’m back! For awhile, after a month on the road. The bus driver looked surprised when he stamped my bus ticket and noted that the last stamp was dated four weeks ago. And strange again, because I came home to an empty house, with a load of mail waiting for me. I’ve unpacked all my things, knowing that I will have to pack them again pretty soon, which is fine by me, except that I have a shitload of laundry to do by Monday.
This past month has been good. From being with friends to meeting friends of friends, though somewhat randomly and by tenuous connection (one always marvels at how Facebook improves communications by leaps and bounds), we covered London and Paris and then Portugal — which I loved — Lisbon more than Porto, but still lovely all the same.
She’s so pretty — and you´re so damn right —
but I’m so tired of thinking about her again tonight
The year has been eventful, to say the least. I ushered in the new year at the beginning of the year (last year, now) in a variety of circumstances; every year with the Hwa Chong people, screaming “Happy New Year” at the top of our voices around the swimming pool, and then drinking Raffles beer at the front of Block B, our cars parked in a perfect straight line along the parallel parking lots. I was wearing a red dress, I remember, and the rest were happy and drunken.