444: die die die

Just dropped by to say how utterly excruciating this month has been, before it turns into December. I think this is one November I will never miss.

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426: midnight cravings

This is probably nothing much at all, but I’d just like to say — after an entire day of meeting up with old friends, I spent the night editing my stupid assignment, before starting on my tutorial at midnight. It has 32 questions. It is 32 questions of Civil Procedure HELL. I felt like I was doing a comprehension exercise. Except it had 32 questions. After 3 hours, I was finally done. Then I went to look for tomorrow’s outfit, so I wouldn’t have to rack my brains in the morning. Halfway through I thought about shoes. My shoes. Which had suddenly and inexplicably gone missing, even though I hadn’t worn them the entire summer, and I spent an hour ransacking the entire house to look for it. I looked in my store room three times. I opened the front door and checked the shoe cabinet twice. I opened the front gate just to check that I didn’t throw my shoes in my car or my boot or the other car or the other boot. I checked all the damn shoeboxes. BUT NO SIGN OF SHOES.

In the end I found it, nestled in a shoe box underneath an entire bunch of plastic bags that my maid had put on top of it, all the way from the last time I sprained my ankle. In the store room.

Life sucks.

415: awesome possum

I’m back! But only for awhile. I’m trying hard to keep up this writing thing, or I fear I’ll lose it forever. Already I’m falling (way) behind on the travelogues (I was supposed to write about Turkey & the epic Europe trip many months/a year ago; will I ever get down to it? The answer is possibly — no) and before I know what’s happening I’m being whisked away on yet another travel adventure. This time back to Japan (cue collective shout: “Again?!”; so yes, I confirm for the benefit of all disbelievers, again), then Shanghai, then Bali! I haven’t told my mum about my $98 air ticket to Bali, though…

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414: law school easter eggs!

Courtesy of Professor Tan C H, while describing the development of the exception that a husband may rape his wife without any legal consequences whatsoever.

While doing my Entertainment Law exam paper, with the brilliant observation of Goodwin J, on the right of Vanna White to sue.

Courtesy of Pacific Dunlop v Hogan, in yet another brilliant observation regarding the conceit of the Australian population.

397: living in a rhythm where the minutes’re working overtime

rm719c

I feel like I’m running around in circles. I’m probably just panicking for no good reason, as I always do, but it’s weird to care and not care at the same time. Just like how I feel 半桶水 about most things nowadays; can’t decide which way to go or another.

I feel a bit guilty sometimes, that I’m never 100% anything. But I get the feeling I don’t know how to. Some part of me’s somewhere far away, dreaming of a time where I can get away from here.

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381: insomnia

Thoughts that appear at 5am in the morning;

  • The sooner you learn to accept people for who they are, the less trouble you will have with yourself. Why is everyone so worked up over things they cannot control?
  • Why does this happen every week? I shouldn’t have drunk that coffee.
  • I think I might be in love with the Eurasian guy who appears on 超级星光大道 to PK the contestants. But obsessions come and go, anyway.
  • Something I read while filling my time with reports of serial killers (don’t ask): There are Mr. Rights, and then there are Mr. Right Nows. Mr. Right Now is the guy you think you’re in love with when you’re seventeen. Then you get knocked up and are forced to get married and suddenly it’s too late, when Mr. Right comes along. (And Mr. Right Now may just kill you if you leave.)
  • There’s really just no way I’m ever going to appear in the morning bright and chirpy and eyebag-less. It’s a chronic failing. I like sleep. I like to have my own time. I like mornings. But to have all three is kind of impossible.
  • I want to sleep now.

362: and do you know what you’re doing to me

I hate the way I still prac-crit everything you say even though my English is better.

I know I keep asking, so you and me, babe, how about it under a convenient streetlight. I wish I could serenade you, step out of the shade. And you’ll reply from the top window, just like in the song. Everything’s happened; it can’t un-happen itself. You and I — maybe we’re only brief encounters, nothing else. 

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337: and where are the deep shelters?

I have been probably pushing myself too hard. There are things that I don’t need to do, but I have been doing them anyway. This includes stupid things like reading articles and cross-referencing them, putting in citations in my own paper that cite this article which cited that article on this page under this footnote, and drawing an insane number of mindmaps for that last International Company Law exam just so I would remember everything, which I didn’t, in the end. The last three weeks have been crazy and mad, and I’d like to say I’ve barely had time to think, but the truth is I’ve been thinking a lot (and maybe too much), and I don’t like what I come up with. Everything I write does not make sense, now that I read it again, and even though I passed my exam, I am still somewhat unhappy with the results. I want to do well, even if I don’t have to, and this bugs me. Am I asking for too much?

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335: she’ll take a tumble on you

The semester is almost over. As usual one is struck by how fast time flies, and the way in which it has flown. People have already gone home, to wherever they came from, and one recalls the tears that I find myself unable to shed. Maybe it was because I was not the one leaving; maybe I did not have sufficient connections with these people. There were lovely people, people I wish I’d known better were I not caught up in my own drama, but three months and meaningful friendships are hard to sustain. One is aware that this is not an excuse and that I could have, if I tried, or bothered to try. That being said, maybe next semester will be different, and one can always hope for the best. Making new friends, sustaining them, remembering why I am here in the first place, living for myself. The world is now and forever waiting for me to explore it. For once I will try not to be defeated by my own inaction. 

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333: fireworks in lake michigan

As usual, I have not done anything (much) today. I have an exam on Monday but I’ve barely started studying. This would be better if it were actually graded so I could feel more fear, or written so that I could feel less. As it is, it’s an oral exam. I’m scared shitless and yet not, and my brain is continually pushing waves of apathy towards me. 

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332: where’s the fire, what’s the hurry about

… we’ve got so much to do, but only so many hours in a day. And we can dream on, but don’t imagine they’ll all come true.

I have decided to update this post everyday for a week with the things that make me happy everyday. It is time for some POSITIVITY! Also, strange how they say people only blog when they are either 1) very depressed 2) very free 3) very busy. I suppose this must be true, because I do it all the time. 

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331: we can stick around and see this night through

I told someone before that there was no way I was going down the same road again, but it seems that I am, anyway. I’m not making excuses, and who knows how long this will take, and it saddens me a little that I was arrogant enough to think I could overcome it. Because I have, before, and why not this time, right? It’s true; I’m a proud person, and perhaps insanely so. I’ve been brought up to believe that I can do anything, and by extension, if I must do something, it should be something I can do alone. It is perhaps part of being alone all your life; you learn to do things by yourself, or you remain at the bottom of the well. 

Because there is no point in continually dwelling on things I know I cannot change, I am going to try and make myself happy as I possibly can. And yes–there is no point dragging my cumulative luggage with me, though that takes a while to sink in and I probably have to keep telling myself that a million and one times, possibly to no avail. It is hard not to lapse back into the past when I honestly cannot remember the last time I was alone. But on the other hand I am only blind if I do not want to see. I have been talking to K a lot recently, and I am glad he is here; few people are as honest with me as he is, and after all these years, it’s funny how we can pick up where we left off. 

So, the things that made me happy today:

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326: look what love gave us

These few days have been better, but it might have been all the alcohol.

Everyone is going home soon, and it’s hard to fathom that one semester has already passed us by. In these three months so many things, good and bad, have happened, sometimes changing our lives irreversibly. Whatever it is, whether it’s the people we’ve met or the people who have left or are leaving, this exchange year is shaping up to be an unforgettable one.

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311: cos i’m coming home again

All this cycling home half-drunk is bound to take a toll on us one day.

For the less experienced among us, I have already crashed into a wall and fallen off trying to mount a kerb with my bike while trying to bike home while high just now.

Apparently this is quite a common occurrence. That I only ended up with a bleeding shin is a blessing in itself.

309: see your shoes and your spirits rise

Before we all know it, I’ve been here for more than a week. Over these few days there have been so many happenings, so many parties, so many exciting things to tell. From the first week of meeting new people and crazy random parties with lots and lots (and lots) of drinking, to cooking totally random food in the kitchen, we’ve also changed our housemate. He used to be an American who smoked weed all day and stayed on the top floor, but he moved out because of the rent and now we have a new Iranian housemate whose wife is coming to stay with him starting sometime this week. He is also Muslim, so we are having to deal with all this at one go. 

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307: all your stereotypes

Americans are noisy, Spanish girls are hot, Japanese guys are super hot, the Germans think Erdinger is good shit, the Chinese are fucking everywhere, and omg. OH MY GOD.

HOLLAND FUCKING SMELLS OF WEED.

(OK. That was my update. Other than that orientation’s been fun. But there is so much alcohol, and especially when it costs 1-2 euros a pint, everybody drinks like crazy. At orientation functions beer is FREE, and it’s pretty good beer, the pubs are everywhere, people are happy, and omg the weed. Today there was an impromptu party at the hostels near the university, so everyone went down to the lawn and brought down couches and like 5 cases of beer and a couple of bottles of wine. So many people turned up, from everywhere, and it was so good talking to everyone. The weather was great and it wasn’t cold at all, we were warm from the alcohol and talking so much nonsense, and Sharm has just stumbled off to bed. On the bad side it cost us $20 (11 euros) for a cab ride. Yesterday there was a welcome drink in the city centre and everyone was just. Drinking. And drinking. And drinking again. Tomorrow there is another party. Everyone is crazy and high and it is kind of funny listening to them talk. My liver is fucking going to die.)